


The Intermission

by yookihyuks



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming of Age, Heavy Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Acceptance, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Swimming Boys, hendery is a swimmer and ten is a nurse, just idiots falling in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27864001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yookihyuks/pseuds/yookihyuks
Summary: Kunhang is a swimmer at Yonsei University, pursuing his dream of entering the National Team and competing at the World's. Getting injured brings Ten into his life and puts his world upside-down.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery
Comments: 12
Kudos: 46





	1. First half

**Author's Note:**

> bruh....i haven't written in over a year and this is what i'm back with....first work for nct!! (hopefully not last lmao)

His lungs are burning when his hands touch the crystal blue tiles of the pool and he pushes his head out of the water, vision blurry and muscles trembling. He stares at the chronometer on his friend’s hand. 20 seconds. Two less than the last time.

“You’ve improved.” Xiaojun whistles, satisfied with his friend’s accomplishments.

“Not enough.” He uses both arms to lift his weight off the pool, soaked to the core. His hair is sticky with chlorine as he pushes it back, blinking a couple times to shake off the droplets that stick to his eyelashes. He’s dead hungry too. “The competition is only a few months away; I need to do better.”

Xiaojun scoffs lightly but doesn’t argue back – he knows it’s pointless when it comes to him and swimming.

“You’re by far the best in this University, Kunhang.” Xiaojun reminds him, using a perfect Cantonese. Although they used Korean often to practise, more so when they were in public, when it was just the both of them, they drifted to their mother tongues.

“That’s the _thing_.” He points out, drying his torso with a towel and tying it up around his waist before he dropped off his trunks from underneath. They could be close friends – best friends, even – but Xiaojun didn’t need to see his dick whatsoever. “There are plenty of Universities here in Korea, Dejun, and only four scholarships to the National Team to compete at the World’s.”

Xiaojun sighs as he sits on a bench, waiting for him to get properly dressed. He sprints inside the changing room in a rush to pick up his stuff (books and other things he isn’t interested in but needs to pass in order to graduate) and then heads to the canteen for breakfast. He truly is starving.

They meet the rest of their gang there, already finished with their foods but still waiting for them to arrive after the training. Considering how harsh Koreans could be sometimes towards foreigners and their lack of proper use of the language, it wasn’t so surprising that all of the Chinese students that got into the International Exchange Program with Korea gathered together and became friends. They were Kun, Yukhei, Yangyang and the already known Xiaojun. All of them spoke either Mandarin or Korean, except Yukhei, whose mother-tongue was Cantonese just like he and Xiaojun. 

Kunhang is aware that they are a multilingual mess and his brain messed up more often than not.

“There’s rice and banchan for breakfast.” Yangyang tells him, leaning closer towards him. He’s had a morning shower and his long, brown hair is getting long, still stuck to his forehead. “You should hurry if you want to get some.”

His limbs are still numb after how fast he’s swum earlier to improve his mark, but he still gets up from the rusty chair (obviously the budget from the University wasn’t invested in them), complains a bit here and there and heads to the food stalls, filling up his dishes as much as he can.

Even though he’s a swimmer with broad shoulders, he is still very thin in arms and legs size, so he needs to eat as much as possible every day (a balanced diet every so often, the other days…well, instant noodles were very convenient). Plus, the food there is free so he needs to make the most of that privilege.

He only shares classes with Yangyang since they both majored in the Computer Engineering degree, and Yukhei is a member of the Swimming Club Team as well, which means he competes next to Kunhang in every competition. At first sight, Yukhei is built like a professional swimmer far more than him, he’s bulked up and probably could split a watermelon or two with his thighs, but Kunhang is light as a feather and _fast_. Not even Yukhei can come near his mark.

Besides, all of them have dreams that involve whatever they are studying, dreams that go further than their passion for sports or hobbies – but not him. Kunhang’s dream is being a professional swimmer and to compete at the World’s and maybe even the Olympics. This is the thing he’s best at and the only thing he’s known since he was a kid – so much that he even studied hard to get a scholarship abroad in a country whose language he didn’t know a word of, only because there were so many more opportunities than back in Macau when it came to this sport.

Kunhang has never been brave nor confident in himself except for this one thing – he knows he’s good at swimming and that he can achieve his dream. There’s no plan B because he’s not mustered the courage to face a possibility where being a swimmer is not his future, where he has to let go.

Drown in his thoughts, he hears the distant snapping of someone’s fingers that forcefully bring him back to reality, blinking a few times before Yangyang’s doll face clears in front of him. He looks between apologetic and amused.

Before he can open his mouth to ask what’s that face about, he feels someone else boring holes into his forehead and he looks up to meet a furious teacher.

Well, he’s screwed.

“Mr. Kunhang.” She says, punctuating every word. With her eyebrows furrowed like that she looks like the evil stepmother in Cinderella. “Is my class not interesting enough for you?”

Kunhang grimaces. I mean, mathematical analysis doesn’t sound like the most interesting subject ever but he’s not about to tell her that.

“I’m sorry, Teacher.” He stands up and bows according to his half-assed apology. These types of teachers loved students sucking up to them.

As expected, she’s pleased with his answer, allowing him to sit back down with the premise that he will pour all his attention in whatever she’s talking about. He pretends to focus this time, staring at the Teacher and sometimes faking to take some notes, but his mind is anywhere but there.

“I’m surprised you haven’t been kicked out yet.” Yangyang laughs when they get off class, heading to the next one. “You never pay attention and get called out at least once every two days.”

Kunhang shrugs.

“I’m just not interested.”

“Shouldn’t you have picked an easier degree if you were not going to care about it at all in the first place? Computer engineering is going to fuck your ass raw.”

Kunhang can’t believe the kid sometimes. Albeit he has the worst use of the language at times, he’s so smart that he speaks five languages, took the college admission exam a year prior than the rest of his class and joined the rest of them here at Yonsei University. Yet his demeanour is more of a teenager than a young adult that just turned 20.

“Language.” He pretends to scold him, tapping his shoulder and Yangyang only sticks out his tongue at him.

“Says who.”

He’s right but he won’t let him win this.

“Me.” He pushes the younger forward. “Now diving headfirst into operating systems. Yay.”

Yangyang’s soft laugh echoes through the corridor as they walk side by side.

****

The final competition is only six months away. The briefness of time weights on Kunhang’s shoulders like he carries the world, the pressure tight around his chest and the stress making it almost impossible to get a good night of sleep without nightmares popping up behind his eyelids with no invitation every time he closes his eyes.

He’s excited more than he’s exhausted, which makes up for the lack of serotonin he’s felt these days. Only able to drag his feet out of his room to get into the pool, practise until he’s can’t move any further and then back to his room. He’s been scanning through his notes every night with a bowl of ramen next to him, stuffing all the useless information inside his brain so that he can, at least, make his way through them.

Considering all of these, it shouldn’t be surprising, really, that his body gave up on him sooner than later. Perhaps sooner than he had wished for.

Kunhang feels the sharp, excruciating pain of a sprained muscle on his second lap during the evening practise that day, so strong that he stops dead, swallowing some water that makes him choke as he holds his arm in place and tries to swim back to the edge.

“Fuck.” He cries out.

Both Yukhei and their trainer help him get out of the water, carrying him inside the changing room so that they can take a better look. Despite knowing that there are no bones poking out and there’s definitely no blood in sight, Kunhang can’t seem to open his eyes, shut tight as he keeps holding his arm, too scared to move.

“We need to take you to the infirmary.” The trainer says, voice stern as he places some ice pack covered in a cloth on the injury. “They will need to run some tests to make sure you haven’t injured yourself badly.”

Kunhang freezes on the spot at the thought, shivers running down his spine.

“No.” He says, shaking his head. “No, I’m not – I _can’t_ be injured.”

Yukhei’s hands fall on his lower back, a reassuring touch that Kunhang wishes could work right now. His breathing becomes heavier as the pain becomes worse and his thoughts a mess. He _can’t_ –

“Don’t panic.” He whispers, so close to his ear that it tickles. “We don’t know that yet. Let’s go there first and we will talk about it later.”

Kunhang opens his eyes only then.

“Promise?”

Yukhei smiles softly at him, his hand never leaving his back.

“Promise.”

The infirmary is only a few meters across the campus, close to the athletics track, and there are far more people than he thought he’d see there.

There’s someone behind a desk full of papers and a computer screen that greets them as soon as they enter, and Kunhang is glad he’s been accompanied by both, his trainer and Yukhei, because if he had to open his mouth now he probably would just sob.

“He got injured while swimming.” The trainer says. “He’s in a lot of pain so we rushed here before it became worse.”

The assistant smiles gently at him, which annoys him because he is hurt and worried and scared and he doesn’t want anyone’s pitiful smiles right now. He just wants to be told it’s a stupid pulled muscle and he can take a painkiller and go home to rest.

“You did well.” She says, motioning for them to follow her inside. “My co-worker will be with you in the blink of an eye.”

They’re left alone in the middle of a room full of vending machines and blue-painted steel chairs, giving the “waiting room” vibe quite well.

Before Kunhang can even think of sitting down, there’s a tall man with a very ugly moustache at the door asking for him (only him) and he’s taken to a sketchy room where he’s asked to take off his upper clothes and get an X-ray of his wounded arm.

While struggling to put back on his shirt, he’s told to wait for his results in a single bed outside, where Yukhei and their trainer are already waiting for him.

“Thank you.” He mutters when his friend helps him get his hurt arm past the hole of the t-shirt and pulls it down, covering the rest of his body. He’s never felt this drained before, and he’s still in pain.

Yukhei sits next to him on the bed, trying to keep his mind occupied as they wait and wait so that he doesn’t go crazy, and even though it’s hard, it helps. If Kunhang were to be alone here he would have banged his head against the wall a couple times long ago.

“Wong Kunhang?”

The same doctor from before calls out his name and he raises his good arm so that he can spot him amidst the chaos of people wandering here and there across the clinic.

“Your results are out.” He says. His voice is clear and calm and Kunhang dwells on that. He’d sound heavier if the injury was bad, right?

“Yes.” It’s the only thing he can bring himself to say.

“You’ve got a torn ligament in your shoulder.” Kunhang stares. “It’s not severe, but it will take from four to six weeks to fully heal, and you will need physiotherapy exercises too. No swimming is allowed until two weeks, and even then, you need to take it lightly. Don’t force yourself until you’re fully recovered or you’re risking going under surgery.”

He throws his head back in defeat on the bed. Up to _six weeks_? The competition was less than six months away, wasting six weeks was a dead end.

“Wait a minute.” The doctors turns around and cranes his neck, as if looking for someone. His face lights up when he spots said person and calls out his name, motioning for him to come closer. “Kunhang.”

He takes a deep breath before he sits back, looking up for the first time since the doctor mentioned the words torn and six weeks.

“This is Ten.” Kunhang’s eyes fall on the boy the doctor is talking about. He’s probably around his age and height, black and soft strands of hair falling on his forehead and a pink blush on his cheeks. He’s pretty. “He’s a sports nurse with physiotherapy knowledge and experience working here, you will be assigned to him to work these weeks.”

Kunhang nods, absentmindedly. He couldn’t care less about who’s treating his injury as long as they do their job properly.

“Hello.” Ten’s got an accent that Kunhang cannot pinpoint and makes a mental note to ask him sometime during their sessions, considering they’re going to be stuck together for a long time. “As the Doctor said, my name is Ten and I will be your nurse until you’re fully healed.” He’s got a warm smile that Kunhang has decided he likes.

“Okay.” He replies, unsure of what to say. His brain still hasn’t processed a single bit of the information he’s been told and he’s sure he will panic as soon as he does, so he’s prolonging this haze as much as possible.

Ten turns his attention towards Yukhei and their trainer for a moment to explain briefly (and probably better) what he’s got and what the treatment is going to be, and then focus entirely on Kunhang and giving him some painkillers on the upper part of his ass (a mix of dexketoprofen and diazepam, or so he heard him saying, whatever these things are) and as soon as they start making its effect, Kunhang passes out from exhaustion.

For the first time in what feels like ages, he’s able to rest properly and wake up without a headache. Okay, that _might_ be because of the painkillers he had been given earlier, but only maybe.

“Did you rest well?”

Kunhang opens his eyes when he hears an unknown yet familiar voice coming from the other side of his bed, and he tilts his head to see Ten writing down something on a few papers that were gathered in a table in front of them.

“Yeah.” He replies, voice raspy and dry. “May I have some water?”

Ten chuckles.

“Of course.” He takes a plastic water bottle that was left among his personal belongings, probably bought from Yukhei before they had left. “Actually, you weren’t supposed to spend here this long, but you passed out and I didn’t have a heart to wake you up.”

Kunhang raises an eyebrow as he chugs down the entire water bottle.

“How long have I been gone?”

“Uuuh.” Ten purses his lips together into a thoughtful expression, hand on his chin. “Three or four hours, maybe.”

“Fuck.” Kunhang curses, accidentally. He shouldn’t be cursing like that in an infirmary ward. “You should have woken me up, I don’t want to be a burden and other people might need this bed.”

Ten dismisses him with a gesture of his hand.

“Don’t worry, we had plenty of space. If we truly needed the bed, I would have let you know.”

Still unsure, Kunhang nods.

“We will need to put your arm in a sling.” Ten points at the plastic bag with something black inside on the table. “It will help the ligament heal faster, as it will prevent you from moving it carelessly.”

He groans, hitting his head on the headboard. This is going to be hell.

“The doctor has prescribed you some meds you need to go to the pharmacy for and take them assiduously, no skipping even if you think you’re not in pain anymore, okay? These meds are also anti-inflammatory and the better you do, the faster you will be back at competing.” Kunhang nods diligently at his words, like a little kid listening to their parents. “And we will start the exercises tomorrow. What time is good for you?”

He shrugs.

“Anytime, I’m unable to do anything now.”

“Don’t you have classes?”

“Yeah.” Scrunching his nose, Kunhang realizes he doesn’t even know his schedule, always checking it on the timetable on his phone the night before. “I guess I could use all my free time now to study properly.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Ten gives him the thumbs up. “But, the time?”

“Oh, yeah.” Kunhang scratches the back of his head with his healthy arm. “You only work in the mornings?”

“At the clinic, yes.” Ten unwraps the sling from its plastic and holds his arm in place, helping him put it inside and tightening the straps so that it wouldn’t get loose. It hurts but it’s bearable. “But this is private work just with you, so I can adjust to your schedule, as long as we do it at least four times a week.”

“Damn, I’m sorry.”

Ten frowns.

“What for?”

“You’re stuck with me for that long.” _Four_ times a week during six was a painful amount of time to stay next to his annoying self. “So, tomorrow around 5 p.m.?”

Ten giggles, his eyes rolling in the meantime at his stupid joke.

“5 p.m. sounds great.” Ten concludes, helping him get his stuff on him with his good arm as he finally gets up from the bed and decides it’s time to go back to his dorm. “And I’m sure we’ll get along.”

Kunhang bids him goodbye with a smile and a nod (he’d wave his hand but one is full of bags and the other is, well, not available for a while) and goes back home thinking Ten does have indeed a really warm smile.

****

Kunhang shows up the next day at the clinic wearing sweatpants and the first t-shirt he’s seen upon opening his wardrobe; truth is, he had slept in the entire morning. Those painkillers knocked him down and while he finally got to rest, he is about to be late to his first appointment of rehabilitation and he doesn’t want Ten to think he’s irresponsible like that.

Holding his arm and sling in place and picking up the pace, he runs across the University campus, all the way from his dorm to the infirmary ward placed at the other side of the swimming pool.

When he arrives, out of breath and probably looking ragged as if he had just run a marathon, Ten is already there, hands inside his pocket and teetering on his heels, waiting.

“Hey.” He exhales, using his free hand to comb his messy strands backwards. He didn’t even have time to properly brush his hair, only able to put on some clothes and get the hell out of his room like his life depended on it.

“Hey yourself.” Ten smile reaches his eyes. “You look terrible.”

Kunhang throws his head back in defeat.

“Thanks.” Ten opens the door with a key he’s got inside his pocket and waits for him to get inside before closing. “Have you been waiting for long? Sorry, the painkillers the doctor gave me are leaving me stunned.”

“Must be the diazepam.” He nods, understanding, even though Kunhang doesn’t. “But I didn’t wait for too long, five minutes at max.”

He sighs, half relieved yet somewhat distressed. Nothing worked out for him these days.

They walk silently inside the clinic, leaving the ER where he was yesterday behind and heading into a much quieter area, where different people worked here and there, be it with patients, computers or papers.

Ten points his middle finger to an empty, virgin-white bed, almost at the end of the room where no one could bother them.

“Take a seat, please.” He says, and Kunhang does as ordered, taking off his shoes so that he can put his legs on the clean sheets.

Ten works swift and neat, his hands skilfully undoing the straps that tied the sling around his shoulder and taking it off with one hand, the other holding his arm in place so that it wouldn’t hurt.

“Are you in pain now?”

He shakes his head.

“I took some...dexketo-something before I left, it’s acting up now so the pain is all gone.” He bites his lower lip when Ten holds his wrist and starts doing some rotational movements, ever so slow.

“That’s good.” Ten nods, eyes fixed on his arm. “But this will sting a bit, you need to keep in mind that some pain is required in order for it to heal, but since the injury isn’t severe, I think it will be bearable.”

Kunhang inhales deeply.

“Alright.”

“However, if it becomes too much do let me know.”

He nods. Although it’s his job, Ten sounds genuinely worried and seems to _care_ that he isn’t in pain, which has Kunhang mesmerized, looking at Ten being wholly invested on healing him. It’s stupid really, because Ten is just working, but he’s not used to letting anyone take care of him and it feels nice.

He hisses when a certain movement to stretch his shoulder sends a sharp pain down his back, his body going stiff under the unpleasant sensation.

“Sorry.” Ten offers an apologetic smile that Kunhang shakes off.

“I’m okay.” He’s not, for many other reasons, but he can endure a little pain. “You’re so gentle.”

Ten looks up from his position, a rather surprised look sparkles there for a brief moment before he battles his eyelashes.

“Thank you.”

After more than an hour of doing more movements with his shoulders than Kunhang thought he was capable of and feeling pained even on the tip of his toes, Ten decides to call it a day, helping him put back the sling on and walking him to the entrance. His fingers must be sore after all the moving and massaging he’s done, but he looks satisfied with his work.

“See you tomorrow at the same hour?” He asks, hips against the doorframe. He remembers only then he had wanted to ask Ten more questions about himself.

“Sure.”

He turns around to take his leave when Ten’s voice stops him.

“Kunhang!” he shouts, probably a little louder than he had intended, because his cheeks turn a faint shade of dust pink. “Take half diazepam with your painkiller instead of a whole pill. It will still treat your injury but it won’t put you to sleep like it’s done before.”

Kunhang purses his lips into a tight ‘o’, nodding his head in understatement.

“Thank you, Ten-ssi.”

Ten pulls a face at the formal remark.

“Please, don’t. Just call me Ten. Or hyung if you’d insist.”

So he’s older. Kunhang has wanted to ask about that too.

“Okay.” He complies. “See you tomorrow, Ten hyung.”

The bright smile Ten gives him is so cosy that Kunhang feels physically warm.

****

Almost two weeks and a significative amount of appointments later, Kunhang has learnt Ten is from Thailand, knows a few languages like he and his friends do (included Chinese, which meant sometimes they used it so that Ten could improve), he is two years older than him and his favourite Korean food is jjajangmyun, but he hates fruits, which appalled Kunhang. As a self-proclaimed fruit lover, that was outrageous.

He has also found out that Ten is very chatty and so smart that sometimes it was hard to keep up with him.

Funny, witty and _so_ warm.

He thinks they can become friends, sometime in the future. That they can still meet up when he heals and they can hang around with his friends.

His suspicions regarding a supposedly friendship become clearer as Ten invites him to go over to his painting club during one of their sessions.

“Usually I go with Sicheng – he’s my best friend, by the way – but since he got a girlfriend he’s nowhere to be seen and I’ve been going alone for a few weeks now. But it’s so lonely!”

Kunhang laughs softly when Ten pouts, looking very disgruntled with his friend’s antics as his fingers dive into his skin, pressing the muscle where the torn ligament is with such softness that he’s taken aback he managed to do the both of these at the same time.

“I can’t draw.” Kunhang admits his defeat, scrunching his nose. It’s probably one of his worst attributes.

“Me either.” Ten dismisses him with his hand. “It’s just for fun, I find it very stress-relieving.”

Kunhang doubts he’ll relieve any stress doodling something most likely hideous on a cheap canvas but Ten has asked nicely and he thinks they are _friends_.

“Sure, I’ll go.” He relishes on the smile his answer receives. “But if you laugh, I’ll kick you.”

“I won’t! Told you I’m not good myself.” Ten chuckles as he helps Kunhang put the sling once again. Soon enough it will make two weeks since he got injured and he will be able to let go of that stupid fabric envelope and finally go back to swimming.

 _Lightly_ , the doctor had said, but it was still swimming and a step closer to getting better.

Kunhang finds out later that day that Ten is a fucking liar.

“You lied to me! You lied to me so blatantly!” He yells at his not-friend anymore, pointing at the canvas in front of him with a very wrathful finger.

Ten _can_ draw. In fact, he fucking excels at it.

“I didn’t!” Ten’s face is contorted in a very ugly grin as he tries hard not to laugh. “I said I’m not that _good_.”

Kunhang stares dead silent at him, his eyes going from the magnificent butterflies scattering around cherry blossoms trees he’s drawn to the unsightly attempt he’s tried of the very same thing, a mix of colours that resembled more of a drawing made at elementary school.

“I will _end_ you.” Kunhang fakes a threat, still offended. “How come you’re that good? Is there something you’re not even good at?”

“No.” Ten laughs again when Kunhang throws a punch at him, guilefully avoiding it. “I’m joking, there’s many things. But I really like drawing.”

“From now on, I’ll take anything you say with a pinch of salt.” He sulks behind his painting of wannabe butterflies and cherry blossom trees that were about to expire.

“C’mon, you’re not that bad yourself!” Ten attempts to clear his image, but the permanent laugh on his face doesn’t contribute and Kunhang shakes his head in defeat, the smile so contagious he’s unable to keep on pretending to sulk any longer.

He’s unable to sulk, especially when they meet up with Kunhang’s friends after the class is over at the nearest café in front of campus, where Kun also worked as a barista in a part-time job, so they got discounts (sometimes).

Ten had been reluctant at first to join them – he was shy upon meeting new people, more so when it was four of them and Kunhang’s friends.

_“I need to make a good impression.” He had said on their way there. Kunhang found cute the way he fidgeted his fingers inside the pocket of his worn-out jeans. “You might want to switch nurses if your friends hate me!”_

_“I won’t do that.” Kunhang reassured him, patting his arm gently. “I have a feeling they will like you.”_

_That didn’t stop Ten from pouting but he seemed to relax, his shoulders slouching just a tiny bit, so slightly that one wouldn’t notice unless you were looking right at him.”_

Kunhang had been right. His friends fall in love with Ten just a few minutes after they have arrived; he shares laughs with YangYang, makes jokes with Yukhei and laughs at Xiaojun’s antics; even Kun who is behind the counter going here and there with customers’ orders seems to smile a tad brighter when he talks with Ten (because Ten’s smile is just like that, Kunhang knows first-hand).

He exhales deeply, letting go of a pressure inside his chest he didn’t know he had been holding; deep down he had wanted things to go well, he wanted his friends to like Ten too.

“Ten hyung, did you study here?” It’s Xiaojun who asks, holding a steamy coffee mug in his hands and glasses all fogged up. He’s wearing a red sweater that make his facial features – especially his eyebrows – stand out, and he looks homey. Kunhang is very fond of him.

Ten shakes his head in response.

“I studied in Thailand, I only moved here to work. My best friend, Sicheng, he’s been working here for a while already and he told me to come; I must admit I had some contacts.” He says, laughing as he tells them. Kunhang already knows all of this – he asked Ten on their second appointment, because he wanted to know more – but he doesn’t mind listening to him all over again. “So I’ve only been here for over a year now, this will be my second year working at the clinic.”

“You’ve never met Kunhang before?” It’s Yukhei the one who asks. “Because I saw you a few times when I had to visit the ER.”

“That’s because you get injured a lot.” Kunhang intervenes, joining the conversation. “You’re too rough when you swim.”

“I am very careful, mind you.” Yukhei sits back on his chair, crossing his arms so that Kunhang can see he is so hurt by his comment.

Ten laughs softly sitting next to him, kicking his leg under the table in a playful manner. Kunhang kicks him back.

“I never got injured before since I’ve been in this University.” He confesses. “I’m always careful, it must have been the stress due to the competition and the lack of rest.”

“When’s the competition?” Ten asks him, turning his head so that they’re looking at each other. His nose is so pretty.

“Less than six months.” Kunhang feels the anxiety bubbling up in his lower stomach at the very mention of it. He needs to start training asap. “I can swim again this week, right? It’s been two already.”

Hesitantly, Ten nods.

“You shouldn’t be impatient. Take it easy.”

“I know.”

Ten doesn’t seem to be so sure, but if he thinks otherwise, he doesn’t say a word about it. Instead, he nods again and takes a sip from his smoothie.

Kunhang _knows_ he can’t overdo it without risking making his shoulder injury worse, so he needs to start anew and slow. A few laps without rushing. He will work on his speed as soon as he’s discharged.

Soon enough, he’s able to drift into his friends’ playful conversations and games and momentarily forget about the uncertainty of his future.

****

The alarm goes off exactly at 6 a.m. the next morning, which gives Kunhang a swirl of mixed feelings; on the one hand he’s so tired that he can barely keep his eyes open and turn to the other side of the bed where his phone is; on the other hand, he’s this close to throwing his phone against the wall until it shatters and, most importantly, shuts up.

God, those two weeks had been heaven without needing to get up _this_ early, he must admit. Perhaps he should give up swimming and focus his interest towards something else, like computer engineering.

He only contemplates the thought for half a second before he’s kicking the sheets and blankets off and rushing to the shower, too scared to even think about it.

He showers fast and without much consideration – he will need to shower after the swimming practise anyways, so there’s no need to be so meticulous about it.

Stuffing a protein bar and a glass of milk so he doesn’t go on an empty stomach, he grabs his keys and leaves his dorm, welcomed by the cold of the morning breeze and complete silence, anyone moderately in their right mind wouldn’t be up at that sinful hour.

For that very same reason he’s surprised to the core when he meets a certain Thai boy right in front of the pool.

“What are you doing here?” It’s the only thing he’s able to stutter instead of something more pleasant like “good morning” or “what a surprise to see you here!” Now he looks like a dick.

Ten doesn’t seem offended, though. Instead, he looks too handsome for someone who just woke up and dragged himself out of bed to be here even before Kunhang.

“Morning to you too.” His reply holds no harshness in it (because Ten is smiling), yet he can’t help but feel bad about it. “I’m here to help you.”

“Help me?” Kunhang is confused. He’s not going to chronometer himself today, so he’s unsure as to why he needs help.

Ten agrees.

“Help you.” He repeats. “Show me the way you swim.”

Kunhang isn’t less confused as he raises an eyebrow, but he leaves his stuff on the bench, next to Ten’s, and starts taking off his jacket.

“I won’t be swimming like I’m competing today, though.”

“I know.” Ten is waiting at the same place but his eyes are fixed on him. “But I want to see the way you move your arms.”

That starts making more sense, Kunhang feels like a total idiot because why else would Ten be there.

He does as ordered, moving his arms like he’s swimming. It feels stuffy and a tad uncomfortable where his injury is, but nothing compared to the pain he felt a couple weeks ago when he torn the ligament. If there’s no overdoing, he thinks he can bear it.

“You’re doing it wrong.” Ten is biting his finger as he looks at Kunhang and the way he’s moving his arms.

That sort of offends him.

“What?” He’s been moving his arms like this for years and his trainers never said a word, how can he simply say he’s doing it wrong?

“Your arms.” Ten takes a step closer, his hands finding their way to Kunhang’s skin. He shivers, but probably only because his hands are cold. “Lift.”

He does.

“You do it like this.” Ten mimics the exact movement Kunhang has done before. “But you should be doing it like _this_ instead.” Kunhang wouldn’t be able to tell the difference if he were looking at it, but the feeling _is_ different. His shoulder rotates slightly closer to his body than his habitual movement and the outcome feels smoother.

It’s only when he looks up that he realizes how close they’ve been standing. Ten is the first one to take a step back.

“How do you know?” He asks, practising the motion he’s just learnt.

“Besides knowing quite a lot about muscles and miscellaneous as my job, I actually dance.” Ten says, his voice so low it’s like he’s telling a secret. “I’ve been dancing since I can remember and I got injured a few times too.”

“Oh.” Kunhang thinks Ten is a box full of surprises, there’s always something new about him to learn. “You never mentioned that.”

“There’re many things you don’t know about me, water boy.” He chuckles and turns around to sit on the edge of the pool, feet inside.

There’s a funny feeling that sits on his chest at his words, right below his ribcage.

Kunhang is still confused.

The water is icy cold – he had forgotten about this but it’s enough to fully wake him up, no trace of sleepiness left in him as his lungs fight for air and he rotates his shoulders as he’s been told. Somehow, it feels right.

He does a few laps, ever so slow in comparison to what he’s used to, but his mind is rummaging and can’t seem to let go of Ten’s words, so he needs to swim and he needs not to think. When he thinks, bad things always happen.

As he pushes his head out of the water to breathe, blue fingers tight on the edge for support and feet dangling inside, he has decided he does want to be Ten’s friend. Which is why he’s so upset about what he’s said before. _Friends_ should know things about each other.

“I’d like to, though.” His lips must be purplish due to the cold because he’s shaking, but he remains inside the water even when Ten is offering him a towel he’s kept next to him.

Confused, Ten cocks a perfectly shaped eyebrow, questioning.

“You’d like to?”

“You said there’s many things I didn’t know about you.” Kunhang gets hold of the towel as he lifts his weight off the pool. “But I’d like to.”

The sun is already up in the sky, which explains why he doesn’t feel so cold anymore.

It’s certainly not because Ten is smiling at him.

Right?

As Kunhang has suspected, Ten is good at – well, _everything_.

He’s such a fast learner that even the things he doesn’t know a single thing about he’s able to get a grasp of it in a matter of minutes.

They’re sitting on Kunhang’s bed at his dorm, legs folded on the crumpled sheets and bags of snacks scattered all over the place, all of Kunhang’s notes for his upcoming final spread between his and Ten’s legs.

“Repeat this resume again.” Ten demands, his feet now hanging off the mattress as his hand grabs yet another chip. “You’re lacking off in this one.”

“I’m lacking off in everything, hyung.” Kunhang groans, throwing his body backwards so that his head is hanging just like Ten’s feet. He feels the blood rushing and his arms start itching. “I won’t pass this. Software engineering sucks ass.”

Ten kicks his knee bending his leg perfectly, he’s so flexible he could as well have no bones.

“Don’t be so negative.” He’s getting scolded now too. “C’mon _Guanheng_ , you can do it.”

Ten using his Chinese name does something to Kunhang’s stomach – barely anyone used it here unless they were close friends and it feels _somewhat_ intimate. So much studying is making him rave.

“I’m not negative, _Chittaphon_. You’d think being unable to train properly for a few weeks would get me to finally study but all I did was dive into a well of self-pity and despair.”

Okay, perhaps he’s being dramatic. In fact, he’s been trying to enjoy the unexpected free time by resting, retrieving old hobbies and he’s also spent quite a lot of time with Ten. But has he studied? A resounding no.

Instead of thinking he’s lame and forcing to be funny to be liked by others, Ten finds him genuinely amusing and Kunhang feels warm. There’s a feeling that definitely shouldn’t be there at the pit of his stomach so he does what he’s best at: ignoring the problem until it goes away or it’s too late and becomes so big he’s swallowed. He’s never been good at dealing with emotions anyways.

Ever so often he forgets his shoulder is still a candidate for a pair of wings, stretching so hard he hears an audible “clack” where his bone is and he mildly panics. But only mildly. He’s a grown man and he is in front of Ten.

His face must say the opposite because Ten looks heavily concerned, approaching him in the blink of an eye.

“You good?” he asks, so close he’s almost sitting on his lap.

“I…don’t know?” Being honest is a good trait. “I’m not in pain but it feels funny.”

Before he’s able to say anything else Ten is already lifting the sleeve off his arm, rolling it up to his collarbones so his shoulder is fully exposed.

He sits on his heels in front of him, his fingers finding their way around his sensitive skin like they’re meant to be there, touching him so softly that Kunhang gets goosebumps.

“Does it hurt?” Ten asks, voice raspy and low. He moves the shoulder joint a few times in different manners, expecting any signal from discomfort at any moment, but Kunhang’s mind is all over the place looking at Ten from above, his breath is tickling him and his pretty eyelashes cast shadows all over his skin; that’s how close he is.

When Ten looks up, confusion set between his eyebrows at the lack of response, Kunhang is still looking at him. If he leaned in just the slightest, the tip of their noses would touch.

Damn, Ten does have a pretty nose.

Kunhang wishes he could pinpoint what the spark in Ten’s eyes mean, decipher what his gaze is trying to say; he wishes he could just close his eyes and –

Kunhang’s ringtone goes off, startling him so hard he falls of the bed, heart beating at the back of his throat.

Fuck, he’s so screwed.

His hands are shaking so hard the phone almost drops to the floor as he tries to pick up the call.

“Hello?” He answers, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible, but he fails miserably.

In the meantime, Ten has already packed his stuffs inside his backpack and is getting ready to leave. It shouldn’t bother him, really, so when the door closes behind him he shouldn’t feel hurt.

He _shouldn’t_.

It’s his mom on the other side of the line and Kunhang is so out of it during the entire length of the conversation that by the time it’s over and he’s back at his bed he doesn’t remember a word she’s said.

****

Kunhang knows he shouldn’t have let Xiaojun drag him there. The room is stuffy, smells of sweat, smoke and cheap alcohol and it’s full of people he’s never seen around.

Despite his bubbly and outgoing self, Kunhang has never been fond of these types of shallow parties, rather spend the time doing the same with his friends or with less people. It’s actually a tad suffocating.

He still dressed up despite his rejection from the get-go, fully aware he’s never been able to deny something to Xiaojun, even less when he asked so nicely (using the best friend card against him, that cheater) and promised there would be free alcohol and he _needed_ tons of it.

His stupid software engineering exam had been taken and barely passed and he hadn’t talked with Ten for over a week besides a few words exchanged during their appointments, things extremely awkward between them that Kunhang didn’t even know where to start.

“Dude.” YangYang slumps on the couch next to him, plastic glass on his hand and splattering droplets of vodka everywhere. He’s dyed his hair with blonde highlights and the tipsiness looks cute on him. “You know whom I’ve just met and asked about you?”

“Huh?” Kunhang furrows his eyebrows. He can’t seem to think about anyone that could fit into that question.

“Lee Gahyeon.” He words her name like she’s the most important person in the world. “Dude, she’s _asked_ about you! Weren’t you interested in her like, a few months ago?”

Was he?

“I wasn’t.” Kunhang slides the tip of his fingers on the sticky edge of his glass. “I only mentioned she’s pretty when she approached us one day and Yukhei wouldn’t shut up about her.”

YangYang shakes his hand.

“Whatever, she likes you. Go talk to her.” He points somewhere in the middle of the crowded room and he cranes his neck to spot a long, pink hair almost at the end, next to the door leading to the garden.

 _Indeed_ , he should talk to her.

By the time he’s chugged down the glass of vodka mixed with god knows what else (he should never let YangYang take care of his drinks ever again), it’s been already a while and YangYang is on his fourth glass, the alcohol starting to make him talk like he’s the only one in the room, voice loud and piercing even when he’s sitting next to him.

He stands up, finally mustering the courage. Gahyeon (or so YangYang said) is interested in him so taking her home that night seemed plausible; he hasn’t gotten laid in ages, too busy with his swimming to focus on anything else, much fewer romantic matters.

As he makes his way through the crowd, he spots a very familiar brunette entering through the main door, accompanied by whom he thought to be the famous Sicheng. He’s seen him a couple times here and there with Ten but never got the chance to talk to him.

The alcohol in his system is dragging his feet towards them before his mind can wrap itself around the idea of facing Ten again.

“Hey.” He greets them, hoping he doesn’t look as tipsy and woeful as he feels.

His breath hitches when he lays his eyes on Ten, only a few steps again. His dark brown strands look impossibly soft and he’s wearing golden glitter all over his eyelids, accompanied by the faintest of the pink blush and a cherry-red degraded lip tint. He’s not fair.

“Hey yourself.” The ghost of a smile appears on Ten’s face, his upper lip twitching upwards as he tries to fight it. “He’s Sicheng.”

Kunhang turns his attention to the other boy, who is no less handsome but taller.

“Nice to meet you.” Kunhang offers his hand as he bows his head lightly and Sicheng greets him back.

For reasons he can’t quite comprehend, Sicheng looks rather amused.

“I’ll go get some drinks.” It’s the next thing he says before he’s disappearing, leaving the two of them alone.

Kunhang doesn’t have enough alcohol inside his body to handle this situation, so he gulps down half of his newly filled glass in one go while Ten stares.

“You’re tipsy.” He states the obvious and Kunhang nods. “You’re cute like this.”

Kunhang’s body has the audacity to blush, the warm sensation creeping up to his cheeks, betraying him. He hates himself sometimes.

“You look good, hyung.” He confesses, slurring the words. He’s only a bit tipsy but the nervousness is eating him up.

Ten smiles then, as prettily as he remembered.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Kunhang isn’t wearing any make-up, but he’s chosen his outfit carefully; fashion is important to him. From his ripped jeans to his half-stuck carmine shirt, everything has been thoroughly thought through.

Too soon, Sicheng is back with drinks for both, he and Ten, who surprisingly starts drinking a bit too fast, which has his best friend side-eyeing him in confusion.

“How did your exam go?” Ten is the first one to break the ice again, the glitter sparkling every time he blinks. Kunhang wants to see it up close.

“I passed.” He gives the older boy the thumbs up. “Barely, but what is important is that I passed.”

“You got lucky.” Ten chuckles, the soft strands dishevelling as his head jolts with his laughter.

“I studied hard.” Kunhang is lying and they both know it – truth is, he got lucky indeed. He’s not sure what possessed him as he was taking the exam because his knowledge was under the floor but somehow ended up being enough to get his pass mark.

A couple chatters and laughs after, Xiaojun appears out of the blue and Kunhang can tell he’s drunk just by looking at him.

“Guanheng!” He yells, throwing his body onto his, head falling on his shoulder with such force he trips backwards. “Guanheng, you’ve been missing the entire night! You abandoned me!”

Kunhang tries hard not to laugh.

“ _I_ abandoned you? As soon as we entered you evaporated like thin air after you followed that Chinese girl…Handong?”

Xiaojun puts a finger on his lips to shut him up.

“She’s pretty.” He says, like it’s a matter of a fact. “And she sings well, we met at the choir.”

“Glad you finally decided to be over that breakup that happened like, three years ago.” Kunhang knows that remark is not fair, Xiaojun is just not the type to date casually and he respected that, but he’s also drunk and it’s fun to rile him up.

“Hey! You know it’s not like that, shut up.” His cheeks puff when he’s angered like this and he looks even cuter. Ten and Sicheng laugh too. “Plus, she’s friends with Gahyeon. YangYang mentioned he’s told you she’s been asking for you.”

Oh. Right. Gahyeon.

He had totally forgotten about her.

Right.

“Oh.” It’s the only thing he manages to say. He can feel Ten’s eyes on him. “I’ll go now, I was greeting Ten and his friend first.”

Xiaojun nods like that just makes the most sense in the entire world.

“C’mon, I’ll take you to her. Bye Ten! Bye Ten’s friend! Sorry I forgot your name.” He grabs his arm and starts pulling him towards the other direction.

He looks at Ten for a brief second before he’s sucked in the crowd, not expecting him to look as serious and bitter as he does.

Gahyeon is pretty indeed, Kunhang has to give her that. Her pink hair falls in soft waves over her shoulders and she’s got attractive eyes and full lips, features other people can only wish for.

“I’ve been waiting for you for hours.” Is the first thing she says when Xiaojun stops walking right in front of their clique, where apparently Handong is too. “You play hard to get.”

“Sorry.” Kunhang scratches the back of his head, awkwardly. “Was busy greeting some friends.”

“I was just joking, no need to look so distressed.” Her laugh is soft and melodic too, he wishes he could be annoyed by something so he had an excuse to leave. “Should we dance?”

Kunhang doesn’t dance, but he’s not about to voice that aloud. Instead, he fills his glass one more time, chugs it down in one go and follows her to the main dance floor, mind already fuzzy and heavy.

She asks a lot of things that he answers absentmindedly, finding it hard to focus on something that isn’t not stepping on her feet as they messily move around the crowded room, their bodies crashing against other people every so often.

Two drinks more later and an endless amount of questions that made him feel like he’s being interrogated rather than in a conversation, Gahyeon decides she’s had enough and throws her hands around his neck, pulling him into a kiss.

His body and mind seem to be in two different places at the same time, hence why he’s unable to respond, staying still and with his eyes open as she kisses him.

His eyes fall on Ten.

He’s talking to someone – another boy that Kunhang has never seen, and there’s also a girl with blonde hair that is making him laugh by something she said. By the way she removes the hair off her shoulders, she’s flirting with him. Wouldn’t be surprised if the boy is, too.

Their eyes meet while Gahyeon’s lips are still on his. Looking at him, Ten takes a step closer to the girl and puts his arm around her shoulders, pushing her closer towards his body. She rests her head on his chest as they laugh about something, but Ten is still looking at him.

A sweltering feeling spreads across his lower stomach, crawling up his body and tightening around his throat.

He pushes Gahyeon away, breaking the one-sided kiss. She looks quite offended and he can’t blame her for it.

“Sorry.” It’s the only thing he mutters before he’s leaving, towards the other side of the room.

Sicheng is the first one to see him, his expression changing as he looks back and forth between Ten and him.

Unceremoniously, he pushes this one girl too. This doesn’t seem to be his most remarkable night.

Ten looks between bewildered and on tenterhooks.

“Dance with me.” He stretches out his hand and waits. Although he’s drunk, Kunhang knows he only gathered the courage to do this because it’s Ten. Otherwise, not even in seven lifetimes he would have been in this position.

Ten holds his hand and follows him into the dance floor.

“You’re drunk.” Is the first thing he says when they’re dancing. Kunhang looks like a mess of very offbeat limbs while Ten moves just so beautifully. His left hand falls on his waist and Kunhang’s skin burns under his touch.

It’s a statement; they both know Kunhang is.

“I am.” He repeats, nodding his head to the beat of the music. It’s a song he can’t recognise but he’s letting Ten take the lead and simply follows him.

“Had fun with Gahyeon?” Ten asks, going straight to the point.

“You didn’t seem to be that bored either.” He retorts back. Fuck, why is he acting like he’s jealous. Perhaps it’s time to head home and nod off for weeks.

“You left first.”

That shuts him up, because Ten is right. But what else is he supposed to do? Gahyeon is pretty and likes him (or liked him, anyways) and he _should_ like her. If there’s someone he has to be interested in, it should be her.

But it isn’t.

From this angle he can see the glitter on Ten’s eyelids just like he had wanted to since he arrived and they were indeed as pretty and sparkly as they seemed.

Ten is painfully close to him as they keep on dancing, their knees brushing and hands touching everywhere, from neck to shoulders to waist. Kunhang feels heated up.

“I should have been dancing with her instead.” He says, more aimed at himself than at Ten.

But Ten is there so he hears him.

“You’re the one who came to me.” He punctuates the obvious.

“Because.”

“Because?” He’s pressing and Kunhang hates that he knows deep down Ten is enjoying this. Pushing him to his limits, putting his world upside down.

“Just because.” His mind is so dizzy. “I wanted you to dance with me.”

“Only that?”

When their eyes meet, Kunhang thinks he’s about to explode. His heart is racing, his stomach is doing backflips and his skin is burning where Ten’s touching.

A minute of silence. A deep breath. An intermission.

Then, Kunhang leans closer and kisses Ten.

***

What’s the first thing one should do after you’ve kissed the first boy ever in your life, who also happened to be the nurse in charge of your injury and the person who’s been occupying your thoughts for days?

Obviously, you run away.

Despite not trusting his legs to support his weight without falling to the ground after a few steps, he still walks and gets out of the house where the party is being held faster than a speeding bullet, intending to head home.

It only takes three or four steps before Ten has caught up to him, holding his wrist and pulling to make him turn around.

The world spins fast under his feet.

Ten seems to realize only then how drunk Kunhang really is and his expression turns blue, resigned. He hates himself for being the cause behind the fading of his smile.

“Let’s go back.” He says, instead of whatever is running through his hectic mind, and his hand presses against Kunhang’s lower back as he pushes him in his dorm’s direction.

They spend the entire way back in silence, only accompanied by Kunhang’s heavy breathings as he tries to focus on the road ahead not to trip and embarrass himself even further, though his feet swing from left to right more often than he’d like to admit out loud.

Ten grabs the keys from the pocket of his jeans and opens the door for the both of them, probably not believing in Kunhang’s capacities to get back to his room in one piece, and rightfully so. He loses his balance while taking off his shoes, knees crashing against the wooden floor in a loud thud that resounds through the empty place, but he’s way too drunk to feel any pain or to bring himself to care.

He hears Ten muttering some words behind him, but before he can turn his head around he’s being held by the armpits and lifted, his head finding the older’s chest midway and he rests there.

“Kunhang.” Ten sighs, but he’s not moving either. “Let’s go to bed, you’re too drunk.”

“You’re so comfy.” Kunhang doesn’t pay attention to his words. If he moves, the world spins around. “I’m safe here.”

Ten remains silent for a few minutes, probably considering all the options he had to murder him that night.

“You’ll be safer in your bed. Let’s go.”

Kunhang doesn’t have much of a saying since Ten is already pushing him and holding his arm, dragging his limp body towards the bedroom at the end of the dorm.

He drops dead on the mattress as soon as his eyes spot his bed, alluring him like a mermaid did to a fisherman.

“I’ll change your clothes.” He thinks he hears Ten saying before there are hands all over his body, taking off his jeans and undoing the buttons of his shirt. He chuckles. “You’re undressing me.”

“To dress you again.” Ten shakes his head. “With more comfortable clothes.”

“I’m naked in front of you.”

Ten rummages through his wardrobe, taking the first sweatpants and t-shirt he comes across.

“You’re not naked, you’re wearing underwear.” Ten moves closer and lifts one of Kunhang’s legs in an attempt to put the pants back on.

“Take them off.”

Ten freezes, staring at him with doe eyes.

“God, Guanheng, you’re _so_ drunk.” He mutters something else under his breath that he’s unable to catch and before he’s able to process anything else to say he’s covered from waist down again.

“Keep it.” Kunhang smacks the t-shirt Ten is trying to shove down his head. “I feel too hot and when I move my head hurts.”

Ten sighs in defeat, leaving the t-shirt on top of the chair next to his desk.

“You’re such a horny drunk mess.” Ten sits at the edge of the bed and Kunhang snorts, amused at the remark.

“That’s entirely your fault.” He admits in a low voice. God, he knows he will regret all of this tomorrow to the point he will need to move countries again and change his name, but he seems unable to shut up.

“I haven’t done anything.” Ten feigns innocence.

Kunhang moves closer, weight on his wrists and knees folded. Ten is still sitting at the edge but he’s not retreating.

He stays.

“That glitter,” Kunhang touches Ten’s eyelid softly, tracing down his cheek until he’s cupping it. “Looks stunning on you.”

“Thank you.” To Kunhang’s surprise, Ten seems to be shy under his compliment. “Thought you’d like it when I applied it on earlier.”

“You thought of me?”

Ten doesn’t reply.

He doesn’t need to, though, Kunhang can see it all over his face.

Just like he did back at the party, he leans closer, until the tip of their noses graze.

When he tilts his head to kiss him again, Ten stands up.

“You’re drunk.”

Kunhang looks at him, confused.

“You ran away after you kissed me earlier and your mind is not at its right place right now.” Ten is looking at the floor as he speaks, eyes focused on his feet. “If when you’re sober you still want to kiss me, all you have to do is ask.”

He takes a deep breath, sighing as he suddenly feels so tired he’s unable to stay up anymore, lying down to stare at the ceiling. His chest hurts when Ten lays next to him, their fingers brushing.

“I’m hungry.” It’s what he says, instead.

However, it seems to cheer Ten up just a bit.

“What am I, your slave?”

“You’re not a slave.” Kunhang deadpans. “But you’re my _friend_. It’s friendly slavery.”

Ten laughs softly at his antics, but he does get up from the bed and heads to the kitchen.

“I’ll cook you something, don’t fall asleep.”

He follows Ten into the kitchen so that he doesn’t, not trusting himself not to pass out if he lies on his bed.

Ten lurks around his kitchen and cabinets, getting hold of an instant noodles package, veggies and some sauce here and there. He sings a song while the water boils and he’s cutting the vegetables, preparing everything with such thoughtfulness that Kunhang’s heart skips a beat – he always cares and gives so much that sometimes he’s overwhelmed, because Ten isn’t expecting anything in return. It’s just who he is – caring, thoughtful, kind and nurturing. He pours his heart into everything he does.

“Eat them right away.” He serves the plate on the table, in front of Kunhang. “Or the noodles will get soggy.”

His mouth waters at the sight and he’s not sure whether it’s the alcohol talking, but he’s never wanted to eat ramen that much in his life before.

“When I said eat them right away I didn’t mean you needed to swallow the entire thing like it was a competition.” Ten laughs, staring at Kunhang finishing his dish in barley a minute, even slurping the sauce remaining.

“These just saved my life.” Kunhang dramatizes, but truth is he feels so much better. The dizziness has dissipated and his stomach isn’t hurting anymore. He’s now only dead tired, his limbs weighting a ton from the aftermath, but he’s not drunk anymore. “Thank you, hyung.”

Ten shakes his hand like it’s no matter at all.

“Now you should sleep.”

“Mmm.” Kunhang looks at him, pensive. “Hyung.”

“Yes?”

“Dance with me.”

Ten blinks.

“Kunhang, you’re drunk.”

“I’m not anymore.” He says, standing up from the chair as he points at the space between the kitchen table and the window, where there was enough space for the both of them to move around. “But I want to dance with you again.”

Ten looks at him like he has just lost his entire mind, which isn’t far from the truth, but unlocks his phone and scrolls through his music to pick a song to dance to.

When he’s done choosing and the beginning of the song starts filling the quiet room, Ten follows him and sets his hands on his waist as they start moving their bodies.

Under the dim kitchen light and the brightness of the moon that enters through the window, Kunhang thinks not for the very first time that Ten is just so beautiful.

_The day we danced as if it were for eternity,_

_Turn left and slide, we danced all night_

_Woo woo, here we go_

_Holding onto the last of you._

Ten holds his hand so that he’s spinning around, holding him in place when they’re back at facing each other. He’s mesmerized by the way Ten dances, as if he was made out of water. Like he was the ocean waves and Kunhang the pier where they crashed.

He has always loved the sea anyways.

When the song ends, they’re panting and smiling, cheeks red from the heat and droplets of sweat dripping down their necks, but this is probably the happiest he’s been in a very long time. Carefree, happy.

In love, maybe. He didn’t care about the consequences and the implications behind that right then.

He drags Ten into his bedroom, forces him to change clothes just like he did, and makes room for him to slide inside his bed, head resting on his shoulder as their breathings synchronize and they fall asleep together.

He opens his eyes to an empty bed; the scent of Ten’s cologne lingers on the sheets and he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes.

Kunhang remembers only bits from last night, the way back home a blur inside his mind, but he _does_ remember kissing Ten at the party, and he does remember trying to kiss him back on his bed. He remembers dancing in the kitchen and the way he felt; fuzzy and carefree.

The way Ten makes him feel.

Rubbing his eyes as a gross headache hammers through his temples, he decides the reason behind all of these had been the alcohol and his lack of any intimate touch recently. Now, at the daylight and in his right mind, he wouldn’t want that. He had been hot-headed and got worked up. Nothing else.

He walks into the kitchen barefoot and only wearing his briefs to meet Ten cooking something that filled the place with a pleasant smell.

“You’re cooking breakfast?” He asks the obvious, plopping onto one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

“Since I already cooked dinner, I thought I could make a full round.” Ten isn’t looking at him when he speaks, but Kunhang notices he doesn’t seem uncomfortable or out of it. Instead, he looks calm and wholly focused on the frying pan in his hand. “But I can’t cook for shit.”

Kunhang snorts.

“There’s something you can’t do? I can’t believe my eyes.”

“Cooking ramen was so much easier than breakfast.” He scoffs. “But it’s turning out decent so you can still think I’m perfect.”

“As if.”

Kunhang leaves his seat and moves closer, chin resting on Ten’s shoulder (since he’s a tad shorter) to see what he’s doing. Something with rice and eggs, apparently.

“It’s almost done.” Ten informs him, moving the spoon a couple more times before he’s turning off the heat and grabbing two mugs filled with coffee along with the pan to the table.

Although he’s reluctant when taking a spoonful to his mouth, Ten surprises him one more time by being able to pull a quite good breakfast despite his lack of right hand for cooking. Not that Kunhang is any better anyways.

They eat in silence, sharing a few words and muffled laughs here and there, until the pan and their mugs are empty, but their stomachs are full.

The coffee does wonders to Kunhang’s headache, not even needing a painkiller. He had been anxious towards Ten’s reaction, but everything seems to be just fine.

If only he could freeze time and stay like this forever, so that he wouldn’t need to think and there would be no misunderstandings and feelings involved.

“What are you looking so sad for?” Ten’s question startles him. “Was it that bad?”

He shakes his head vehemently.

“If it was that bad I wouldn’t have eaten like my life depended on it.” He points out, but Ten doesn’t seem so convinced with his answer. “I was just thinking.”

“What about?”

He bites his lower lip.

“My shoulder is all healed now and our appointments will be done the next week.” This is only half a lie; it’s not what he had been thinking, but it’s also a concern. “I…don’t know. I guess I’m thinking whether you’d still like to keep in touch.”

Ten looks at him like he’s just said the most stupid thought on earth.

“Guanheng, despite being your nurse, aren’t we friends?” He asks, and he sounds genuinely hurt. “Did I show that little for you to think I don’t want to keep up with you?”

Kunhang rushes to clear his words.

“It’s not like that.” He sighs, taking a deep breath. “Of course I want to be _friends_ and you’ve given me so much, Ten…I’m just…well, maybe, you just didn’t want me anymore in your life.” _Because I kissed you_ , he thinks.

Somehow, Ten seems to understand, his expression changing into a softer one.

“I want you in my life.” It’s his response. Kunhang’s heart is beating fast. “Unless you want me out, I won’t leave.”

Kunhang thinks that for now, that is enough.


	2. Second half

Kunhang has nightmares.

Almost every night, he’s visited by blurry memories from past moments, from moments he’d never like to remember or live again. But he’s ambushed by them on his sleep until he’s restless, the stress from the upcoming finals and the competition tightening around his throat like an iron hand. The cumulation of stress brought back the nightmares like wild tides and because of them he can’t rest, which only makes him more tired, less productive and more stressed.

A full circle.

Because of this, he’s found himself knocking on Ten’s door more often than not; the first time it happened, he was welcomed by the older’s shocked expression, asking what he was doing there at that time in the night, but his only answer was if he could sleep with him and crawl into his bed, hiding under the sheets and snuggling closer to the body lying next to him.

That night, for the very first time in a long while, he was able to let go and rest.

For that very same reason, he does it on an almost daily basis now, just sleeping next to Ten like he’s his safe space, his anchor to the world. Not even once Ten complained about him getting in his bed, not even when he showed up at 2 a.m. and messed with his own schedule.

That afternoon, Kunhang meets his friends, all of them too busy studying these days to meet up frequently like they used to. While Yukhei and Kun rather study at the library, the rest of them spend their time at their dorms, trying to stuff as much information as possible inside their brains before the finals took place.

YangYang and he spend the most time together since they share the same major and the younger guy is smart while he’s, well, he’s _trying his best_.

Trying his best obviously doesn’t include spending most of his time at the pool training, then rushing to his dorm to take a quick shower before he’s grabbing his things and sneaking into Ten’s place, who only lived a couple streets away from the University Campus (there’s a convenience store on the way to his place and he’s bought dinner for the both of them more than once, too).

Trying enough means he listens to YangYang’s explanations all over again every day and takes notes here and there, just praying that will be enough. At least he’s handed all the assignments they had due (in the last minute) and he’s gotten good reviews on each of them, so there’s still hope.

They meet at Xiaojun’s place, with him being the first one to arrive. He’s prepared snacks for everyone, all scattered on the table in front of the TV, and his Play Station 4 is connected to it, only waiting for them to pick a game.

“You’re early.” Xiaojun greets him when he shows up on his door.

“Hello to you too, my love.” Kunhang mocks him, heading to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. He’s so thirsty.

“You didn’t bring Ten?” Xiaojun rests his hips on the kitchen counter, eyebrows raised.

“What?” Kunhang furrows his own. “You didn’t mention that when we talked about the meet up.”

“Well,” Xiaojun’s eyebrows don’t falter. “You only spend time with him lately.”

“Are you jealous?” He cleans the now empty glass in the sink and puts it back on its cabinet. “You know you’re still my best friend, right.”

Xiaojun shakes his hand.

“Quit that acting.” His lips are pursed together, seeming unsure on what to say next. “But you’re always together. And Sicheng said you go to his room at nights.”

Had he still been drinking water, everything would have been spat.

“Don’t make it sound like _that_ , we just sleep.” Kunhang rushes to clear it up. “Since when are you so friends with Sicheng?”

“Since you and Ten dumped us.” Xiaojun clicks his tongue, hand on his chest to dramatize. “We’re the abandoned best friends.”

“You know I spend most of my time at the pool.” Kunhang tries to soothe him. “You should drop by and monitor me again.”

“You only want me for convenience, I see how things are.” Xiaojun tries to keep a stone face but it’s obvious from miles away that he’s joking.

The door rings the moment Kunhang’s fist finds his shoulder, smacking him for being a drama queen and a total idiot. It’s true he’s been missing, but he’s been focusing on passing his exams and gaining back his speed while swimming, _not_ because of Ten.

They open the door to meet the rest of their friends gathered together, bringing even more snacks, soju and beers. A “well-deserved rest”, Yukhei called it.

Playing games together is always a mess, all of them too competitive to give up even after ten rounds, while Kunhang drowns in snacks and perhaps drinks a bit too much from that soju bottle, feeling his head heavy after a while.

The doorbell setting off startles him when he’s about to win his first round of Fifa, giving the lead to YangYang instead, who is about to beat his ass.

“Guys, I hope you don’t mind.” Xiaojun asks as he opens the door. “But I invited Sicheng and Ten over.”

Kunhang freezes for a brief second, turning around to glance at Ten. They’ve brought more soju and he looks dazzling even while wearing specs, sweatpants and a beige sweater, hair all messy and fluffy. He wants to run his hands through those strands.

“Hey.” Ten says, dropping on the floor next to him and stealing the bag of chips from his hands.

“Hey yourself.” Kunhang licks his index finger clean from the salt and oil after the chips and he notices Ten’s staring. “You want to do it yourself?”

“Don’t be nasty.” He smacks his hand away when Kunhang shoves his fingers to his face, messing with him. Ten’s already used to his gross self and they’re comfortable enough with each other to fool around.

A few hours of gaming later, Yukhei comes up with the worst of the ideas.

“Let’s play “Never Have I Ever.”

He’s not sure what he’s scared of, but he shakes his head vehemently while everyone else just seems to agree, which leaves his denial out of question.

Resigned, he joins them in the circle around the table and pours himself a shot of soju. God knows the stupid things he does when he’s drunk _and_ close to Ten. This time he better keep it lowkey.

Kun’s the first one to start.

“Never have I ever…swum naked in the ocean.”

Everyone boos him for the boring question, but only two of them do actually drink (Ten and YangYang, to no one’s surprise).

He can see the alcohol putting a pink blush on Ten’s cheeks, his eyes getting glassier and his movements more hectic as the questions keep on going and he has to drink for almost each one of them. He’s so curious as to how Ten is while drunk.

Yukhei decides to be riskier on the fourth round of questions, most of them almost knocked out already.

“Never have I ever had a crush on one of my closest friends.”

Kunhang thinks his best friend is Xiaojun and, despite being really handsome, he’s never been attracted to him like that, nor to any boy to begin with. He just never gave it much thought, too busy with swimming to care about anything else.

Ten’s sitting two seats away from him, almost in front of each other.

“You mean best friend, or any close friend?” He asks Yukhei. Kunhang’s heart starts beating faster.

“Any close friend works.” Yukhei slurs the words as he answers, head tilting from the alcohol.

When Ten drinks up his shot, his eyes never leave Kunhang.

*****

Kunhang is trapped and he can’t breathe.

He’s unsure how he ended up like this – knees folded and hugged up to his chest – while he’s underwater. All he remembers is that he had yet another nightmare, from when he was a kid, a young boy that dreamed with being a swimmer and who was told by everyone that surrounded him that he wasn’t good enough, that he would never make it. A young boy that sneaked late at nights into the pool in their school where he almost drowned, only lucky to make it out alive because the security guard walked by and spotted him, but he had already passed out and the lack of oxygen was too much, or so the doctors said. A young boy that took months and months at the hospital to recover and that was so scared of the water afterwards that he couldn’t even take a shower without shaking like a leaf.

He remembers the words _you’re not good at swimming, you’re too small and too thin and your body is weak because of what happened to you. You’re not good enough_.

_You’re not good enough._

_You’re not enough_.

The competition is only a month away and Kunhang is petrified. He’s never been enough and he has lost so much time.

His lungs start to ache after some time while he’s still curled up underwater, his body weights a ton and he’s unable to open his eyes. It’s so much easier to just stay there and let go of his thoughts.

To just let go.

There’s a sound next to him, he thinks, the loud splash of someone jumping into the water, but it’s so distant that he’s sure he’s imagined it, the lack of oxygen affecting his brain and making him hallucinate. There’s no one that would come at this time in the night to the pool, and no one that would look for him.

He opens his eyes when he feels someone’s hand wrapping around the skin of his waist, fingers digging deep as if he wanted them to bruise. Ten’s breath-taking, to no one’s surprise, and despite the mix of emotions displayed on his face.

Kunhang thinks everything is happening in slow motion around him, with Ten holding him as they stare into each other’s eyes, closer every time.

He’s pulled outside after what feels like ages, when in reality it’s probably only been a few seconds.

Ten’s hands never leave his waist, holding him so tight that it’s starting to hurt. He holds him so hard that if Kunhang didn’t know better he’d think Ten is worried he would slip away from his grip and disappear into the water, like he’s swallowed and never returned.

He opens his mouth to intake as much air as possible, his chest stinging and hands tingling. He’s panting and his heart racing and he’s not sure whether what he’s done is to blame, or if it is because of Ten.

Ten, with his hair stuck to his forehead and nape, droplets of water down his face and lips purplish from the cold. Ten who looks at him like he _cares_ , like he’s someone important.

He raises his hand and grazes the skin of his cheek, careful as if he was made out of the finest china. Ten trembles under his touch.

“You scared me to death for a moment right there.” The older’s the one to break the silence, his voice a mere whisper, but Kunhang is so close to him that he can hear him well. “I don’t wanna lose you.”

Kunhang wants to tell him that no, he won’t lose him, that it’s not what he had thought, that it’s all a misunderstanding, but he’s not sure himself. He’s not sure of anything in his life, except that Ten is there and he’s real and he’s so gorgeous while wet and not letting go of him.

“Do you remember what you told me sometime ago?”

Ten frowns.

“I’ve told you many things, Guanheng.”

He smiles faintly.

“When we went to that party and I was drunk, back at my apartment.” He feels Ten’s hands tightening their grip on him. “You denied my kiss and said if when I was sober again I still wanted it, all I had to do is ask.”

Ten stays silent, his chest raising and falling faster with each breath. Everything around them is so quiet that Kunhang’s sure if Ten listened a bit more carefully he’d hear his heart beating as hard as if someone was playing the drums inside of his chest.

“I remember.” Ten finally responds, his eyes going from Kunhang’s to his lips back and forth.

“Can I kiss you?”

It feels like ages have passed before Ten is nodding his head, so slowly that Kunhang thinks for a brief moment he’s imagined this too. But he’s not, because Ten is looking at his lips and he’s leaning closer, until the tip of their noses touch.

Hands on the back of his neck, Kunhang pulls Ten and finally kisses him the way he’s secretly wanted to since that day at the party.

Their lips are still moist and taste like the chlorine from the pool, but they couldn’t care less, tilting their heads to kiss better and deepen it, tongues shyly grazing the other midway. He had been so cold only a few minutes ago, but all he feels now is heat pooling in his stomach, his hands trembling from how warm he feels, his heart pounding inside his chest so hard he’s feeling lightheaded.

Ten is the first one to regain a little bit of composure and breaks the kiss, looking up to meet Kunhang’s eyes.

“We should go back.” He tries to sound composed and fine, but his voice is shaky and breathy and he looks fucked out. “Before we get sick.”

He’s right, Kunhang knows, but he’s scared he will give _this_ too much thought on their way back and he will run away again. He decides to set his worries aside just for this one night, tear down his walls and let Ten stay by his side. He can panic tomorrow in the morning.

Kunhang is lucky that his past self stuffed a towel inside the backpack he absent-mindedly grabbed earlier before he rushed here, not even bothering to check what he had inside (could be empty for that matter). It’s a tiny towel but it’s the only thing they have on them to dry up a bit before heading to Ten’s place – the weather is still cool to walk around yet wet, mostly at nights when the temperature dropped a few degrees.

It’s also still cool for Kunhang to only have brought a t-shirt and his nike shorts, shivering from spending so much time underwater. Ten offers him his red sweater.

“Take this.”

Kunhang opens his mouth to refuse but Ten’s eyes tell him he won’t accept a no for an answer – and, besides, he’s really cold. Ten’s got his sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt on him that would do until they reached his apartment.

They walk in silence; the night is quiet and calm around them, only the sound of a few cars in the distance and stray cats crossing their ways. Although they’re not speaking, their hands are brushing with each step and Kunhang’s not cold anymore but he’s still trembling.

Instead of walking straight into Ten’s apartment, the older crosses the street when they’re two blocks away and enters the convenience store very conveniently placed and that Kunhang has visited twice or thrice whenever he went from his dorm to Ten’s.

“Let’s get you something to eat.” He’s saying at the same time he’s grasping a cart to throw the food at.

While Kunhang stops to take a look at the bags of snacks, Ten has already shoved chicken and cheese peel sausages, some rice and rice toppers, a handful of ramyun packs and triangle kimbaps into the cart, along with three or four boxes of sweets (but nothing fruity). Kunhang hesitates with a bag of corn chips on one hand and honey butter chips on the other while looking at the already full cart.

“Throw them in.” Ten laughs.

“Hyung, you’re buying food for a football team.”

“I mean, I have a job.” He shrugs. “Plus this isn’t only for tonight.”

Kunhang isn’t so sure about that but he gives way, his stomach growling in anticipation.

Once everything’s paid (in the last minute Ten also added a couple cans of soda, alleging they couldn’t eat without a proper drink by their sides), they hold one plastic bag each and finally head to his place. They’ve conveniently used the hands that weren’t close to carry the food, which means the others are still brushing like two kids too shy to hold hands. Kunhang’s glad, though, he’s sure he would fleet if they actually _held_ hands.

Ten’s apartment is the same as always, neat and tidy but a mess of clothes on the chair in front of his desk inside his bedroom, where Kunhang walks in first to steal some of his clothes to warm up his legs. They were so cold that his leg hair could stab someone.

Ten’s a tad shorter than him so the sweatpants he’s grabbed hang above his ankles, but his socks do the job. It’s the only thing he takes because he’s already wearing the older’s red sweater and he’s intending on keeping it on.

“I was thinking,” Ten’s leaning on the kitchen counter as he takes all the things they’ve bought out of the bags and is scattering them on the marble. “What if you called me Hia instead of hyung.”

Kunhang raises his eyebrow.

“Hia?”

“It’s a Thai honorific and means the same as hyung.” Ten informs him while he picks a pot from the cabinet and starts boiling water for the noodles.

“Isn’t it P’Ten?” Kunhang has watched a couple of Thai series here and there and he thinks he recalls that.

“Yeah.” Ten opens the honey butter chips and starts eating one while hopping onto the counter, careful not to kick the boiling pot with his leg. “But Hia is derived from Chinese, which I think would suit us more.”

Kunhang scoffs, trying to get chips as well, but Ten is faster and takes the bag into his hands, away from him.

“Hey!” He complains, scooting closer and standing between Ten’s legs, trying to get the bag that he’s hiding behind his back. “I’m too used to calling you hyung by now, but I’ll try – give me chips!!”

Between laughs, Ten gives in and hands the bag so that Kunhang can eat his precious honey butter chips like he’s suddenly that redhead character from Mystic Messenger.

Once everything’s cooked (the ramyun and the rice), they set on the table with everything they’ve bought and start eating right away. If the food’s burning, Kunhang doesn’t heed, too hungry to care; almost drowning has certainly opened his appetite.

Ten makes a funny face when Kunhang shoves the cream cheese sausage straight into his mouth and the cream starts dripping down his lips and chin, probably looking more lewd that he’s ever intended to and he’s mortified seeing the way Ten’s holding back his laughter. The sausage is very good though, so he still enjoys it nonetheless once he’s wiped the _excesses_ away.

Kunhang had been right – they eat almost everything they’ve bought, only leaving a few snack bags behind for tomorrow, most likely. He should be on a diet for the competition and eat more properly, but his skipping abilities are becoming more fascinating each passing day.

Later on, when they’ve brushed their teeth and Ten has followed his skin care routine religiously, Kunhang’s slumping dead on the mattress, arms and legs stretched and occupying the entirety of the bed.

Resting on his elbows, he cranes his neck to look at Ten, standing against the doorframe, halting.

“What’s wrong?”

He’s looking at his feet, playing with his toes.

“I was wondering whether I should go sleep on the couch?”

Kunhang sits up on the bed, one leg folded while the other is hanging. He looks at the other man in confusion.

“Why would you sleep on the couch? We’ve shared bed countless of times before.” Kunhang has lost track of how many times he’s sneaked into this same bed since he started visiting Ten during his nightmares by now.

“I know, it’s just.” He’s still looking everywhere but him. “Well, after today, I wasn’t sure whether you’d still want to share the bed with me.”

He blinks, trying to figure out what Ten’s talking about, they’ve done nothing out of the ordinary – _oh_. The kiss. Kunhang’s whole body warms up like a heater at the memory, the tip of his fingers tingling and his heart chop-chops.

“Oh.” It’s all he’s able to wrap his mind around. “It’s okay for me.”

Only then Ten looks at him.

“I don’t mind.” Kunhang insists. He’d feel terrible if he came here after worrying Ten to death, ate from his food and then stole his bed while he had to go sleep on the sofa. If one should go it had to be him. “But if you do, I’ll go.”

“No!” Ten rushes to say, his voice coming higher than usual, making his cheeks turn bright pink from embarrassment. “I don’t mind either.”

That’s it then, Kunhang thinks, they’re going to get in the bed together as almost every night and then snuggle until they’re both sound asleep.

Nothing has to be different, right?

Or at least it isn’t until he remembers Ten sleeps naked from his waist up, remembering too late as the older is already taking off his shirt and he’s unable to stop staring, getting caught while doing so. He’s too ashamed to say anything so he just hides under the sheets while trying to stop thinking about shirtless Ten getting into the bed next to him. It’s useless, of course, because his mind is a bitch and his dick decides to _twitch_. Getting a boner next to a guy he’s kissed a few hours ago isn’t his wisest decision.

He decides the universe hates him when Ten, on the other hand, tries not to torture him any further and the best thing he can come up with is switching off the light on the night-stand himself, a lamp which is on Kunhang’s side, which means he’s hovering and leaning over his body to achieve his mission, obviously at no other time than when Kunhang’s dick has decided to turn him into a clown.

Ten stills when he feels Kunhang’s half-boner under his stomach.

He’s never been much of a believer but he’s praying to every god out there to open a hole in the floor and swallow him whole.

He’s keeping his eyes closed and mouth shut as he waits for Ten to go back to his place and pretend this never happened, but he’s forced to open them when the weight is still on him and doesn’t seem keen on going anywhere.

He’s taken aback by the look on Ten’s face – there’s nothing different, but his eyes are darker and he’s looking at Kunhang’s lips.

“Uh.” He whispers. “Sorry about that.” He mentally slaps himself for being such an idiot.

“I want to kiss you again.” It’s Ten’s reply.

Kunhang thinks his whole world stops around them – and _of course_ , his dick betrays him one more time and grows harder under Ten’s body, totally aware the other must have felt it.

Instead of replying, Kunhang decides to throw his sanity over the window for one day and raises his body, meeting Ten halfway in a heated, hungry kiss.

They become a mess of limbs and tongues afterwards, hands touching and stroking everywhere; Ten’s are sliding under his sweater that Kunhang’s still wearing, while his are all over the older’s bare back, nails digging into his skin as Ten licks a wet trail down his neck and up to his collarbone.

When his red sweater and t-shirt are gone, carelessly thrown onto the floor, he’s full hard and panting. He’s unsure on what to do since he’s never been with a guy like this before, but following Ten’s lead is easy and feels just right. He’s so turned on that his head is dizzy and his crotch hurts.

“Can I touch?” Ten asks against his earlobe, mouth nibbling and sucking the sensitive skin there. His hand is on Kunhang’s thigh, too close to his dick.

It’s the first time someone has asked him for permission to do things to him and he’s surprised to find out how much that turns him on.

“Yes.” He breathes out, leaning his neck to give Ten’s tongue a better access. His skin burns everywhere he’s being touched, sucked or licked; almost as if his whole body is being set on fire.

As he had suspected, Ten’s skilled. His hands soon enough get rid of Kunhang’s sweatpants and his hand palms him through the fabric of his briefs, cupping and pressing him hard. He’s still toying with his neck while he touches him, making sure that Kunhang’s is comfortable before he moves further.

Kunhang thinks he’s going to lose his mind when Ten’s lips lap onto his inner thighs, small bites making him squirm and almost unconsciously open his legs to give him a better access, which only makes Ten smile and his pupils dilate from lust even more.

“I’ll take these off.” Ten states. Although he didn’t sound like he’s giving Kunhang the choice, he still nods because he knows Ten would stop right away if he said no.

The cold air welcoming his dick is a relief to the burning heat he’s feeling down there. He’s so aroused that even the boxers were starting to hurt.

Ten starts giving his dick kitten licks, first around the base and then up to the tip, coating the entire shaft with his saliva before he’s lapping his tongue over the head and sucking him inside his mouth.

Kunhang can’t even recall the last time he’s gotten a blowjob and he’s sure it wasn’t quite close as good as the one Ten is giving him. He’s skilled on the way he bobs his head up and down, taking more of his dick each time until it hits the back of his throat and he breathes through his nose top stop the gagging, only to repeat the motion a few more times, using his hand to fist what his mouth can’t reach.

He’s lubricated enough for Ten to use his hand without chafing when he’s moving downwards to his balls, licking them and sucking on them like they’re a candy. It’s the first time Kunhang’s getting these sucked and the sensation along with the handjob is so overwhelming that he’s clutching the sheets as he pants, moaning louder than he’s ever done.

Ten seems very much satisfied with his work when he gets back to having Kunhang’s dick inside his mouth, this time the pace a little faster and a little harder in an obvious purpose of making him cum.

“Ten.” He moans. “Come here.”

He’s pulling his brown locks and Ten lets go of his dick with a wet sound, a trail of saliva between his lips and the tip of his cock, and Kunhang is glad his dick is unattended now because the sight is enough to make the heat in his stomach explode.

Ten looks confused but he obliges, his lips now on Kunhang’s instead, kissing him and sharing with him his own salty taste.

“I want to come with you.” He explains, between kisses. If he had let Ten suck him off a few seconds more he would have come on his throat – which sounds hot and he should do it any other time, but now, he wants to do it with him.

Ten nods, understanding, and he’s getting rid of his own pants and underwear as he grabs a bottle of lube hidden in the drawer of the bedside table. He’s not giving Kunhang time to get back his breath before he’s placing on top of him, legs spread and pouring lube over his own dick and Kunhang’s, making sure they’re both well moist.

Kunhang can’t help but look at the man he’s got in front of him, all smooth skin and taut muscles from dancing, with his defined stomach and strong thighs. Even his dick is pretty; Kunhang has never had this thought before but Ten’s dick is rather thick than large and curves slightly to the left, but it’s so hard for him, leaking and pink and he wants to touch so he does, wrapping his hand around and earning a surprised gasp from Ten.

He moves his fist like he would do if it was his own dick, setting first a slower pace to make sure he’s touching every inch from tip to the base before he’s speeding up, tightening his grip around the head to enhance the short and sharp movements.

Ten starts making sounds that only turn him on even more, his moans a mere whisper against Kunhang’s ear before his hand is wrapping his own dick instead of him and his, pressing them together as he pours more lube, the substance sticking to their skins and dripping onto the sheets.

Making sure he’s got a tight hold of them both, Ten starts bucking his hips, dry humping into his hand and Kunhang’s dick, rubbing them together. Kunhang is surprised at how good it feels and he’s throwing his head back, hands tight around Ten’s arms and fucking into his hand, trying to keep the same pace as the older man, but soon enough they’re becoming a panting mess, moans filling the room as their movements become more hectic and the friction becomes more intense and more pleasurable. Ten tightens his fist around their dicks and that’s the last straw for Kunhang’s mind to go blank and come with a choked sob between their hands, followed by Ten in a matter of seconds with a moan so loud he’s sure the neighbours have heard him. Not that he cares anyways.

He’s too fucked out to be able to even blink, but Ten has gained enough strength to grab some tissues and clean the come from his hands and Kunhang’s stomach, where everything has seemed to land on, becoming a sticky mixture.

Once cleaned, he sneaks back inside the bed, sheets and duvet over them as he snuggles closer, leg over Kunhang’s body and head on his shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, his fingers drawing small patterns over his chest, sending shivers down his spine.

“Good.” Which is the truth, but it still makes Ten chuckle. “Drained, but good.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Kunhang kisses his forehead and Ten closes his eyes.

“And you, hyung?”

He strokes his pretty nose on Kunhang’s jawline.

“Never been better.”

****

May 1st marks on the calendar the last month ahead the competition; Kunhang isn’t unhinged – as Yukhei had labelled him – just a tiny bit jittery, if you ask him.

All he does is swim, swim and swim a bit more; he still slides into Ten’s room at nights and they _sometimes_ kiss, but he doesn’t have enough time to think about anything else, much less anything else regarding the older man that could only worsen his already worked-up nerves. He’s fine with the way things are now, and in a couple months things will be calmer and settled and he will give it some thought.

 _Maybe_.

YangYang’s in his room, sprawled over the couch with loads of papers over his body and on the table, studying for their upcoming finals that of course Kunhang’s trying to pass too (he can retake a few exams after the competition, so he will focus on those later).

His phone is buzzing with messages every few minutes, probably from their group chats and their shenanigans and Ten sending him pictures from his dance practise; these days he’s got back to dancing and got some performances here and there where he got all dolled up and seemed to love sending Kunhang as many pictures as possible. Some days, he accompanied Kunhang during his swimming practises, monitored him and corrected his posture and shoulder movements; on other days where Xiaojun came instead, he stayed at the empty football field playing and running around until he was done and joined him for some time before they headed to his place. Their routine is simple, one Kunhang fell easily into as he feels so comfortable around the older boy.

His attention is brought back to reality when YangYang throws a cushion at his face, making him drop his phone onto the carpet.

“Hey!” He complains, picking it up and making sure the screen didn’t crack. Not that his tempered glass doesn’t look like it’s been through war and back already, but there’s no need to damage it any further. He’s sitting on the floor anyways. “What’s wrong with you.”

“Hyung, you were spacing out. You okay?” YangYang’s sitting on his legs now, leaving the insane amount of papers aside. Kunhang could see the smoke coming out of his brain.

Kunhang realizes he zoned out while staring at his phone screen.

“Yeah.” He scratches the back of his head. “I’m all over the place these days. The competition and all, you know.”

YangYang nods, looking at his feet. Kunhang knows him good enough to know there’s something else going on.

“Spit it out.”

YangYang’s expression is that of confusion when he looks up.

“I’m just…worried. You seem so stressed out.” His concern is genuine and Kunhang is touched. Sometimes he’s so sure he doesn’t deserve the loving and caring friends he’s got.

“It’s okay.” He stands up to sit next to his friend, patting his head. “There’s only a month left and I’ll be doing much better.”

YangYang nods again, a bit more relaxed though still unsure.

“I’m glad there’s Ten hyung to take care of you too.”

Kunhang puffs, kicking him on the leg with his foot.

“All of you are taking care of me.” Which is true; Kunhang’s friends have been so all over him lately that he can’t even take a shit without Kun or Yukhei messaging him whether he’s resting his muscles and eating well to gain strength or Xiaojun showing up at his door to make sure about the things before.

“Well, yes. We are your friends.” YangYang shrugs. “But Ten’s…well. You know.”

Kunhang doesn’t know how to respond.

“What are you talking about?” He’s trying to laugh it off. “Me and Ten are just friends too.”

YangYang gives him a look.

“Hyung we all know you two are…a _thing_. Not necessarily a couple but you two have a different bond.” He’s saying the words slowly, as if he’s scared Kunhang will get panic and run away like a scared animal.

Kunhang opens his mouth then closes it again, gaping like a fish.

“We’re not.” He repeats, because it’s true. They are just really close friends. “Besides, I’m focused on the competition, got no time for anything else.”

YangYang breathes through his nose, hugging his knees.

“I know, didn’t mean to intrude into your personal life, y’know.” He still sounds careful, but less tense than a few seconds earlier. “It’s good you’re doing it like that, though.”

Kunhang raises his eyebrow.

“I mean,” YangYang rushes to explain. “You know how these things are with relationships and all. Sponsors tend to be so picky and love to pry into athletes’ lives and – ”

Kunhang freezes in his seat, his ears buzzing and his mind racing, unable to hear any further what YangYang is saying.

He’s _right_.

Sponsors would never take him if they knew he’s in a relationship with another man. They would never allow him to join the National Team and go to the World’s. They wouldn’t want someone like _that_.

What was he even thinking about? That he would finish his training, win the competition and start dating Ten?

His dream and Ten aren’t compatible.

He suddenly can’t breathe and he mutters some words to YangYang that he doesn’t even register, something along the lines of headache and fresh air, and he’s grabbing his keys and rushing into the streets, walking as fast as possible far away from there towards his safe space – the pool.

In the blink of an eye he’s taken off his clothes and he’s jumped into the water, swimming so fast that his muscles burn after only three laps, but his mind is hectic and he needs to stop thinking so he swims, swims, swims.

With a harsh intake he pulls out his head, breathing while clutching onto the edge, his knuckles white while his temples are throbbing.

He lays back, floating on the calm water, staring at the musty and mouldy ceiling, suddenly feeling so weary there’s not an ounce of energy left in his body.

He just floats.

And floats.

He loses track of time – it might have been minutes or hours since he arrived, but it’s dark outside and tomorrow he needs to be up early to get back there. He didn’t bring any towels with him so he dries his body with his shirt the best way he can and puts it on soaked afterwards, not minding the cold sensation on his body a tiny bit. Hopefully he will be back home before he catches a cold.

When he gets to his dorm, YangYang has already left, but there are a million messages on his phone from him, the rest of his friends and Ten.

At the sight of his name, Kunhang’s inner fears arise once again like a truck and his hands tremble, the anxiety bubbling up inside his stomach.

****

**_Ten_ **

_[5.06 p.m.] [30 pictures attached]_

_[5.06 p.m.] Woah, I sent a lot, sorry about that!!_

_[5.07 p.m.] Today was so much fun during the performance, they even said they’ll let me choreograph for our next one!!! How cool is that_

_[6.30 p.m.] How’s the studying with YangYang been?_

_[6.30 p.m.] Boring I bet_

_[7.11 p.m.] You’re coming to my place later? I know you’re on healthy athlete diet but I bought your favourite noodles_

_[8.45 p.m.] You seem to be really busy so I don’t want to bother!!_

_[8.45 p.m.] Eat well and rest!_

_[11.02 p.m.] Hey, you’ve been missing the entire day, hope everything’s ok_

_[11.03 p.m.] If not let me know and I’ll meet u tomorrow at the pool ? I’m not working in the morning_

_[11.31 p.m.] I ate the noodles by myself, sorry I didn’t have anything else :(_

_[11.31 p.m.] Don’t kill me I’ll buy more for next time!_

_[2.02 a.m.] It’s so late already_

_[2.03 a.m.] Goodnight, Guanheng_

He looks at the time displayed on his phone screen. 2.30 a.m. Damn, he needs to be up in only 4 hours.

With a heavy heart, he mutes Ten’s chat, hiding it from the main screen so he doesn’t feel the urge to respond whenever he enters KakaoTalk to speak to his other friends, and he changes into his pijama and heads to sleep.

Avoiding Ten is, obviously, easier said than done, since the other guy is unaware of what’s going on with him and naturally looks for him at his usual places, like the pool, the football field or Kun’s café. He’s managed to skip the conversation every single time – alleging he’s busy – and ran away somewhere else, which only had Ten frowning behind him. The final meeting is unavoidable, Kunhang knows that well, but the latter the merrier.

Or so he’s trying to tell himself.

Xiaojun’s at the edge of the pool, sitting with his feet inside the cold water and a chronometer in his hands as he’s timing Kunhang’s laps. He’s almost five seconds faster than he was a month ago, which is a huge improvement.

As his best friend, Xiaojun has figured out there’s something wrong going on since almost the very next day after Kunhang realized he needed to cut things off, when he entered his apartment and saw his face. He never pressed, but he still asked every so often, hoping that Kunhang would open up at some point like he always does. Except today.

“You know you can’t avoid him forever.” Xiaojun’s telling him, kicking Kunhang’s shoulder with his left foot. “It’ll backfire. You need to tell him whatever’s wrong with you directly.”

“There’s nothing wrong.” He lies, blatantly.

“You can’t lie to save your life, Guanheng.” He hates that hearing his real name reminds him of Ten. “And he deserves an explanation. You two were way too _close_ for you to bail on him like this, don’t be an asshole.”

Kunhang knows Xiaojun is right and that annoys him. If only he could shut up just for a bit.

“I will talk to him.” He does a hand gesture to let Xiaojun know he’s coming up and he needs to move aside. “Eventually.”

“Eventually.” Xiaojun repeats, exasperated. “Kunhang, it’s been weeks. Talk to him and settle things down.”

“Dejun, you know I love you.” He’s even more annoyed now. “But mind your business.”

Xiaojun couldn’t care less about his words, not intimidated one single bit after all these years.

“Okay.” He shrugs, but he’s making a disappointed face. “You do your do.”

He groans while drying his hair, vexed. Sometimes he just wants to be a kid and act out as one, like right now. But he knows Xiaojun is right and Ten does deserve an explanation. If he’s going to cut things off he should at least tell him, instead of disappearing like thin air.

Truth is, Kunhang is scared because he knows it’s going to break his heart in half.

That night, he wraps himself in his favourite cardigan and heads to the football field where he knows Ten has been spending his free time at these days, when the football team has already left and the field is empty and quiet for him to play by himself just a little bit. Football is not his best ability yet he’s still good at it, like everything he does.

Ten’s expression is that one of surprise when he spots Kunhang in there, sitting on the moist grass and feeling his pants getting wet from behind, but he doesn’t care. The air feels so fresh and clean that it almost hurts to intake.

He stares at Ten as he still throws some kicks; some get inside the goal and some don’t, Kunhang’s too focused on the other boy and what he’s about to say to really pay any attention to whatever he’s doing.

It takes almost ten minutes for Ten to stop altogether what he’s doing and sit down next to him, bearing such a heavy face that Kunhang thinks deep down he knows what he’s about to say.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”

Kunhang throws his head back and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath first. His heart is pounding hard for all the wrong reasons.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

Ten scoffs next to him.

“You’ve been avoiding me for weeks.”

“I know.” He replies, apologetic. “I’m sorry about that. You didn’t deserve.”

Ten remains silent for a while.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asks, then. “Did we move too fast? Because you can tell me and we can work on that. I thought you knew you could tell me anything.”

Of course Ten would put the blame on him and think he’s done something wrong and that it scared Kunhang off. His heart hurts like it’s being choked.

“I know.” He lowers his head. “It’s not about that.”

Ten raises his eyebrow, inquiring. He’s frowning again.

Kunhang’s hands are shaking like a leaf when he opens his mouth.

“Ten.” It’s the first word that leaves his mouth. “You know if I win the competition, I’m about to be a national athlete. Maybe even go to the Olympics.”

Ten’s frown only grows deeper as he awaits for Kunhang to keep on talking.

“And as a professional athlete, you know there are some rules. About dating.”

“We don’t have to date if you’re not comfortable just yet.” Even in a situation like that, Ten’s still trying to reassure him and Kunhang thinks he deserves so much better than what he can offer. What he _can’t_ offer.

“It’s not about dating or not dating. It’s about _us_ dating.” He punctuates the word as much as he can. “If I’m to be a professional athlete, I can’t date a man. If the sponsors find out, they won’t take me in. It’s something they’ll never allow, and I just – I can’t give up on this.”

Ten’s lips are pressed tight as it’s obvious he’s trying hard not to cry.

“So you’re giving up on us.” It’s his answer. Kunhang doesn’t reply. “Your dream is the most important, I get that.”

Kunhang’s head is held down between his hands but he can see from the corner of his eye that Ten’s standing up, so he does too, slowly. He doesn’t trust his legs.

“You’ve been making me think all these days I’ve done something wrong and I’ve been giving you space while trying to find ways to fix things thinking we might have moved too fast, yet what you want is just to not be together anymore.” Ten’s shuts his eyes hard, trying to keep the tears inside. “I feel like a total idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot.” Kunhang feels like dying. “You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s just – us, we cannot be a thing.”

“Right now, I really hate you.” Ten’s eyes are fixed on the grass as he speaks. “If you were going to do this, you shouldn’t have kissed me. You shouldn’t have _asked_ me to kiss you.”

His voice breaks with the last words and Kunhang is unable to keep it together any longer, tears streaming down his face as he stares at his trembling hands.

“I’m sorry.” It’s all he can say, despite how meaningless it might sound.

“If you were going to be like this you should have never led me on. You made me fall for you and think it was reciprocated only for you to tell me now that you can’t be with a man and we were never a thing.” He’s rambling by now, hoping that Kunhang would stop him any time and say that everything’s just a really bad joke. How he wishes that was the case.

“I’m sorry.” He says, again. “I’d give anything for things not to be this way, I swear.”

Ten’s using his sleeve to dry his puffy face from the tears. He looks ravaged and Kunhang will never forgive himself for being the reason behind that.

His voice isn’t shaky anymore the next time he speaks.

“I understand.” He’s now looking at him, looking as gorgeous as always despite the tears. “You should head back now, it’s late.”

“Ten…”

“Good luck with the competition, I have no doubts you’ll make it, you’re the best.” With that, he’s turning around – giving his back to Kunhang – and walking off the football field.

When he’s no longer in sight, Kunhang drops to the grass and hugs his legs up to his chest, hiding his face between his knees and crying so much that his chest hurts like someone is squeezing him from inside, so hard he can barely breathe.

He never thought pursuing his dream would cause him this unbearable pain.

****

They day of the competition, Kunhang is so restless that he feels numb.

He’s fidgeting on his heels, swinging back and forth as he changes into his trunks inside the locker room, stretching his limbs and warming up with a few jumps and short exercises. He knows once he steps outside and gets on the starting block, everything’s set and done. Once he takes a step outside, his future is determined. It’s a pressure he’s still unable to carry, but that he needs to endure.

His teammates leave the locker room one by one, with him being last. He sees the calming blue water through the door as he takes a deep breath, closes his eyes for a second and walks outside.

There are a dozen people in the bleachers, all standing up while holding banners and posters and clapping like they’re a K-pop group. He does a quick scan, searching for his friends, and he finds them to be at the second row close to his starting block, all of them gathered together. They smile brightly at him when they notice him staring, sending him the thumbs up and words he can’t even hear.

With a heavy heart he spots Ten standing next to Yukhei, his eyes looking everywhere but at Kunhang. After everything that happened between them and how unfair he was to their relationship, Ten still showed up to the competition to support him.

When their eyes meet, Ten gives him the thumbs up too, with a sad smile that is also so genuine. It hurts that, despite the situation, Ten still believes in him the most.

Kunhang turns around and focuses on the pool in front of him, getting on the starting block along with his teammates, adjusting his googles and bending his body into the starting position.

He’s done this a million times before, he can do it one more.

As if he’s still training with Xiaojun monitoring him at the other side, Kunhang jumps into the water with the “ _beep_ ” sound that starts the competition, the cold water cutting through his skin like a thousand knives, but he’s used to it.

As soon as he’s inside, he starts moving his arms and legs _fast_ , so fast that it shouldn’t be humanely possible, but soon enough he’s flipping over and pushing off the wall with his legs, on his way to carry out the last lap.

When his hand touches the wall, he quickly pulls out, suddenly remembering he needs to breathe and that his burning and aching lungs aren’t made to be underwater.

He stares in distress at the huge screen hanging above their heads, waiting for the ranking to show up anytime. He needs to be between the first three if he wants to get a chance.

After a few seconds that feel like years, the screen lights up and the names start showing one by one in order, starting from bottom to top.

Kunhang starts getting really anxious when the number 5 displays, his tummy so tight inside his stomach that he’s sure he will puke any time.

“ _And finally…_

_Number 2, Nakamoto Yuta. 15.34‘’_

_Number 1, Wong Kunhang. 13.58’’_ “

Everything after that feels like an outer body experience to him, from getting out of the pool to his friends rushing downstairs to hug him, and everyone around him congratulating him, including his teammates and trainer. He’s only able to stare at the screen and look at his name being next to the number 1 all over again.

When he finally breathes, it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders and tears prickle at the corner of his eyes.

All the ups and downs, the hard-work, his injury, his relationship with Ten – everything that happened these past months and led him to where he is standing right now. It’s so overwhelming.

“Oh my god, Guanheng.” That’s Xiaojun, the one who’s ran faster than anyone and hugged him so hard he was almost thrown off. “You swam so fucking fast, you monster. Even faster than during our trainings! And you won by such a huge difference, I’m so proud of you!” He’s tearing up like a parent would do, hugging him tight and strong.

“Dejun, you’re gonna choke me to death if you don’t let me go.”

Xiaojun laughs as he pulls away, letting the rest of his friends congratulate him too.

It stings that Ten hasn’t stayed to congratulate him too, but he can’t blame him after all. He can only wish things could be different, could be a little bit better.

But he’s soon distracted by the rest of his friends and the people in suits he’s always feared of, carrying bags and papers and ready to talk business with him.

On his way back to the locker room to pick up his belongings and head to the restaurant where they will head to celebrate after Kunhang has made sure he’s written down on his phone the name and number of all the sponsors that were interested in him and were keen on calling him in the upcoming days to set some deals, he is surprised to see someone he hasn’t expected to meet anymore; at least not now and not like this.

There’s Ten standing between the wooden benches full of clothes and bags from the swimming team, back against one of the lockers that is close to Kunhang’s. There are definitely more dark circles than there were before under his eyes and despite the smile plastered on his lips, he looks sad.

Kunhang’s heart burns.

“I wanted to congratulate you earlier but there were too many people.” Ten breaks the silence after what feels like ages, the air between them thick and heavy. Kunhang’s so aware of his surroundings that he smells the chlorine in his body from every pore. “So I’m doing it now.”

“Thank you.” It’s what he replies even though his mind says _I thought you left_. “I’m still overwhelmed.”

“I had no doubts you’d win.” Ten’s thumb is rubbing the palm from his other hand in circles, a motion he always does unconsciously when he’s nervous. “But I know you did so I’m glad you could prove yourself wrong.”

Kunhang stares at the boy in front of him, memories from the day where Ten saved him at the pool, pulled him out and listened when Kunhang told him everything regarding his doubts and worries. He’s the one that knows him best in such a short period of time.

“Thank you again.” His cheek is bleeding from how hard he’s biting the inside. “I wouldn’t have made it without you, I recovered from my injury so I could swim today thanks to your work.”

Something sparkles inside Ten’s eyes, but it’s gone the second Kunhang tries to look for it again.

“It’s my job, after all.”

Kunhang _knows_ , but those words still hurt like pouring salt over an open wound, yet he has no right to complain. He’s brought this on himself at last, and it’s for the best.

“Then I shall get going.” Ten walks quietly towards Kunhang’s direction, standing by him on his way to the door. He stops for a brief second, their fingers merely brushing, and there’s a glimpse of a pent-up desire to touch him and hold his hand, so strong that it sends goosebumps up his arm and it leaves him breathless, the nasty scar poorly patched reopening. Ultimately, he doesn’t, and Ten leaves the room.

Despite knowing all his friends are gathered at the restaurant where he should be already, waiting for him to start their dinner and celebrate Kunhang’s achievement, he’s still unable to move from his current position, sitting on the edge of the pool, sweatpants rolled up to his knees, and feet inside the water, helpless.

He’s been in the same position for too long, arms bent behind his back to support his weight on his wrists, and they’re starting to hurt, begging him to relieve the pressure for a bit.

Someone sits next to him, and he looks up surprised to meet someone he didn’t expect. He hates himself for Ten being the first one that crossed his mind when he saw another pair of legs.

“Everyone’s waiting for you.”

It’s YangYang.

“I know.”

The younger boy takes off his shoes and gets his feet inside the water too, his jeans unable to go further than his calves and getting wet.

“Xiaojun guessed you’d be here.”

“Of course he did.” He whispers, snorting. No one deserved to hold the title of best friend better than him.

“And I’ve been meaning to talk to you for ages, but I never got the courage to get around and do it.” YangYang looks so nervous that Kunhang’s taken aback; he’s never seen him like this.

“What’s the matter?” He frowns in confusion.

“Gege.” YangYang takes a deep breath. “I’m really sorry for the words I said to you last time when we were studying together. I feel like I’m the reason why you and Ten broke up and I feel so guilty that I can barely sleep.”

Kunhang blinks. What’s this kid on about?

“YangYang, what are you saying.” His confusion only grows further.

“Last time, when we were studying. I asked about you and Ten and then I mentioned the sponsors. Since then…”

 _Oh_.

Kunhang realizes then it was YangYang indeed the one who brought it up.

“Don’t be an idiot.” He smacks the younger’s shoulder, playfully. “It never occurred to me that it was your fault. It’s something that was bound to happen sooner or later; at least sooner we could end up things before they grew deeper and it hurt us both more.”

That’s somewhat a lie – it would have been indeed worse if they had to break up after they had become an established couple, but Kunhang’s heart is still broken and he’s got a one thousand unspoken words at the tip of his tongue that he wishes he could tell Ten. About his success, about how much he’s helped him, about the heart he holds for him. But he can’t and now he needs all of these to drown.

“Gege, you need to know there’s no reason for you to do this. I know it’s scary, but I think you should be brave and take the risk for Ten. You know he’s worth it…and the year we live in, I think it’s possible.”

Kunhang smiles sadly. How he wishes those words were true.

“Ten’s worth more than what I can give to him. At some point, our relationship would become a long-distance one and we would barely be able to see each other. He deserves someone that isn’t weak and will fight for him.” His voice trembles when he utters the last words, teary eyes fixed on the crystal clear water.

_He’s never been brave._

“You’re not weak, gege. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, but you’re obtuse and headstrong.”

“Geez, thanks.”

YangYang shrugs.

“But just so you know…if you changed your mind and decided it’s worth a shot…Ten hasn’t gone anywhere.” He’s now standing up, holding Kunhang’s arm to drag him upwards too. “Yet.”

Kunhang stares in silence as the younger boy dries his feet and puts back on his socks and shoes.

 _Yet_.

****

The Korean National swimming team bases at the Jincheon National Training Center, which is quite far from where Kunhang used to live back at Yonsei University, so he had to move places and rent another apartment closer to their training area. It’s much more convenient for work, but he’s now far from his only friends in Korea, and he still has to get around his new teammates, sometimes even struggling with the basics of the language from feeling so out of place.

It takes him at least a month to get used to the new routine – waking up early, training, training, training, a lunch break, then more training until it’s time to go back home and sleep. Back when he was in college he still had to study and had some free time to meet up with the guys, but now he’s consumed entirely by his job.

But he’s been wanting to do this since he was a kid, so he’s not complaining.

After all the hard work and everything he gave up in the way.

There’s a member in the swimming team, called Youngho, that has been the friendliest to him ever since he arrived, and Kunhang felt uneasy around him at the very beginning, way too approachable and outgoing for his liking, but he sooner than later got used to his presence and quirkiness and felt into a comfortable pace with him, which could possibly make him be his first friend there.

Youngho is exactly what Kunhang needs in his life; a breeze of fresh air that allows him to have a laugh here and there amidst the extreme schedules, which is probably the only thing keeping him from breaking down entirely at any given point.

There’s one day, though, where everything changes.

Kunhang’s almost late to the training, running stairs down from his apartment to the street like his life depended on it, then towards the training center that’s only a couple blocks away, but he’s only got two minutes left and last time he checked he couldn’t teleport just yet.

When he arrives, legs burning and out of breath, opening the door to the changing rooms like someone’s chasing him for a murder, he sees one of his teammates – he’s not sure about the name because they never interacted other than formal greetings during his presentation or when they meet through the corridors – talking to another guy, one that he’s never seen before, but he’s pretty and he’s leaning way _too_ close.

With utter shock, Kunhang stares as his teammate laughs at something the other said before he’s holding his hand, in something that he wouldn’t call a friendly way at all.

If only, it reminded him to Ten.

Kunhang’s mouth must be so open his jaw’s touching the floor, because his teammate gives him an odd look when he catches him staring and then there’s Youngho on his side, patting his shoulder.

“Dude, what’s wrong with your face?”

Kunhang blinks a few times before he’s able to muster any words.

“He…is he…are they…”

Youngho frowns in confusion, looking back and forth between him and the other two guys that were back to their conversation.

“Dating? Yeah. Taeyong’s been with his boyfriend for like…three years now, maybe?” Youngho rubs his chin, pondering. “Something like that.”

Kunhang’s even more confused now, his heart suddenly beating too fast.

“Is that… _okay_?” He asks, unsure. He can’t wrap his mind around his teammate being with his boyfriend so openly at their working place.

Youngho raises his eyebrow, questioningly.

“Are you an homophobe now?”

Kunhang’s taken aback by his statement, the realization that his words might have been taken the wrong way suddenly hitting him.

“What, no! It’s not like that…” He’s breathing heavily. “I was just surprised to see them together… _here_. I thought…” His words trail off mid-sentence, but Youngho seems to understand him just fine.

“He was worried at the beginning too, back then. Wouldn’t say he received a positive answer from his manager, but it wasn’t a bad one either. They said as long as he didn’t lose focus on his career and always excelled, they didn’t care about his whereabouts. They were here to support his sports career, not his personal life. But he needed to be lowkey and not be involved in any scandals.”

Kunhang thinks he cannot breathe any longer the more he listens to Youngho’s words, too scared to even voice out his own fears. Had he really hurt Ten so bad for nothing? Was it all really worth it?

“Kunhang.” Youngho’s voice feels distant but he’s reassuring, hand on his lower back as he tries to bring him back from his thoughts. “I think you should talk about this to your manager and finally get done with it.”

Kunhang’s never told him anything about his college days nor Ten, but judging by the situation the other boy can probably put two and two together.

He knows he _should_ , but he’s so afraid.

So afraid of being rejected.

Is he going to be disappointed, his newly formed hopes crushed down by his manager?

Or is he going to be hit by the fact that he and Ten could have been a thing if only he had been brave, if only he hadn’t hurt him so much?

Whether the outcome is, he thinks he’s not ready to bear with the truth, but he has to. He could, at least, give _this_ to Ten. If there’s the slightest chance to redeem his actions, to make it up to him for what he did, he’s willing to take it, no matter how scary it is.

Before Youngho can even open his mouth to say anything else, he’s already turned on his heels and sped his way through the building, upstairs to the second floor where the offices were, heading to his manager’s one without giving it any further thoughts. If he stops to think about it, he will never do it.

His manager – a mid-aged woman with her hair tied so tight on her nape that there is not a single wrinkle on her face – is sitting behind her desk, typing something on her computer and looks thoroughly surprised when Kunhang bangs the door open without any consideration. For some reason he ended up running everywhere that day.

With an embarrassed cough, he closes the door behind him, not trusting his jelly legs to take any steps further and resting his weight on the wood behind.

She raises an eyebrow at him from behind her glasses, fingers still typing on the keyboard even though her eyes are fixed on him.

“Good morning to you too.” She looks unimpressed, but certainly curious. “What brings you here so unceremoniously? Did you kill someone? You look shaken up.”

Kunhang shakes his head, sweat dripping down his temples. He’s so nervous that his stomach is tied in knots.

“I wanted to ask you something.” He finally answers. “Something personal.”

Her eyebrow never backs down.

“Shoot.”

“I- I was wondering about our contract.” He’s stuttering now, great. “And the rules in it.”

Confusion only grows bigger in the space between her eyebrows.

“What do you mean about “ _the rules in it_ ”?” She inquires.

He takes a deep breath.

“I’m talking about dating and seeing people.”

To his surprise, she seems to relax with that answer, her shoulders untensing just a tad.

“Oh, that.” She’s back to looking uninterested. “Yes, you can have a girlfriend. As long as you’re focused on your career and bring us wins and success, we don’t care.”

“But it’s not a girlfriend what I have.” He doesn’t have a boyfriend either for that matter, but that’s not the point anyways.

She only blinks.

“Girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever you want to have, my rules are the same as I stated just now. Be focused, keep it lowkey and don’t get involved in any scandals. I couldn’t care less about you dating another man but if you’re involved in anything related to drugs or sexual abuse coming from your position of power, I’ll kick you out before you can even blink.” She’s so serious that if Kunhang didn’t know any better he’d thought he’s being scolded.

He swallows down, hard. His eyes sting with tears, everything coming down on him too fast.

“Can I ask for one last thing?” God knows he’s never been brave, but this one time, he’s going to try. He’s already lost, anyways, so he could try to give winning one last chance. He takes a deep breath when she nods. “I know you’re still looking for a medical team to work with us for the next Worlds, but I’d like to bring my own nurse and physical therapist to work with me.”

“You know someone?” She’s stopped typing by now, probably not expecting Kunhang to ask her that at all.

“Yes, from college. He already took care of my injury when I hurt my shoulder a few months prior the competition, and I healed well thanks to that.” Ten healed him in so many ways that Kunhang cannot count them with his two hands. “He knows my medical history too.”

“Mmm.” She rubs her chin, trying to find any flaws to his proposition. “I think it’s a good idea. Is he your boy?”

Kunhang’s heart flips inside his chest. The anxiety still skyrockets inside of him when he’s asked that.

Nonetheless, he nods, although it’s rather a lie, because Ten’s not his anymore.

“If you fight, you need to make sure it doesn’t interfere with your work or I’ll kick you out both. Be professionals and do well, and I’ll let him stay working with you.”

Kunhang nods, his mind racing. He’s unable to process anything that has happened that morning.

“I’ll give you his number.” Kunhang searches for his phone with such trembling hands that it takes him three attempts to unlock his screen. “But don’t tell him I’m the one he’s going to work for.”

His manager gives him a look but she doesn’t question him any further and only writes down Ten’s number on her papers.

*****

If Kunhang had to choose one moment where he feels the whole world has stopped around him, where his feet are suddenly stone-made and his fingers are tingling, where his heart beats so hard it rings in his ears like an echo; it’d be the moment he entered the Sports Center building and saw Ten again for the first time since last June during his competition. It’s been five months by now.

The sad eyes he remembered from that day back at the locker room were no longer there, instead replaced by Ten’s usual sparkle that he had missed so much, a smile so bright even his stiff manager can’t keep her face straight in front of him, lips curving upwards. It feels both, so good yet so painful to see Ten looking this bright and joyful, because he’s sure everything’s going to die down the second he sees him again, and who is he to take that away from him. He’s taken so much already.

However, he doesn’t have time to regret his actions and call his manager to cancel the offer, because she’s already seen him and is motioning for him to come closer.

He doesn’t have the guts to look up when Ten turns around, walking with his eyes fixed on the marble ground. There’s such a big knot in his stomach that there’s bile in his throat and he needs to turn his hands into fists next to his waist from how hard they’re shaking.

“Kunhang!” She sounds oddly delighted, completely unaware of the situation surrounding her. “Here’s Ten. He will be in charge of you now as a part of our medical team, in view of the upcoming Worlds.”

Kunhang’s sure he will throw up if he dares to open his mouth so he nods in silence, still far from being able to gather the courage to look at Ten in the face. He’s so afraid of what he might find there.

“I’ve got some errands to do now, so I’ll leave you two first.” She pats Kunhang’s lower back in a failed attempt to comfort him. “See you around Ten, it was great getting to know you and having you in our team!”

They exchange a few more words that Kunhang barely registers, sounding so distant to his ears that it felt as if they were in another room.

Closing his eyes for a brief second to breathe in and out one last time, Kunhang raises his gaze and stares at the man standing in front of him. For a brief second, it felt like nothing had changed between them. Like being back in college and sneaking to Ten’s dorm at nights is his daily routine. It feels so close and so far at the same time.

“Hey.” Ten’s the first one to speak, his expression still undecipherable for him. There was a time where he could know what Ten was thinking just by looking at him, but not anymore.

“Hey yourself.”

The ghost of a smile appears on his lips, but it’s gone just as fast as his thought, so it was probably just his imagination.

“It’s been a while.” He says, feeling like a total fool in front of the other man. What’s he even supposed to say?

Ten nods and he’s now looking everywhere but at him, his old habit of rubbing his thumb on his opposite palm when he’s nervous still very much present.

“Why did you call me?”

Kunhang’s taken aback by the sudden question. It’s not an accusation, but he feels reproached.

“I -” He opens and closes his mouth like a gaping fish.

“This is a really good job opportunity for me so of course I’ve accepted it.” Kunhang can’t take how angry and hurt he sounds. “But why did you call me? After all these months you’re doing _this_? It’s not fair Kunhang, not after you left me.”

He knows.

But he was so scared.

“I miss you.”

Ten freezes, staring at him like he’s said he’s pregnant.

“You’re not allowed to do this.” He’s taken a step back now. “You leave me and now when you think it’s good and convenient for you, you say you miss me?”

“That’s not true.” Kunhang shakes his head, tears stinging in his eyes. “I know – I know what I did and that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done but I’ve regretted every second of it and I missed you. I still do.”

“Do you think I can just come here and pretend that never happened? Because I can’t, Guanheng. I can’t.” Ten’s voice breaks mid-sentence.

“I know, I’m not asking you to…” Kunhang takes a deep breath. “I was so scared, Ten, so scared. Every minute of my life I’ve spent scared and in self-doubt, wondering whether I would ever achieve my dream and I was just as useless as I was told when I was a kid, but you showed me what perseverance and overcoming is, without you I wouldn’t have made it here.”

“Yet I still ran away, because I’ve never been brave. But, the other day, I found out that I was scared for no other reason than my own weakness and prejudices and that you deserve more than I could ever give…” He pauses. “I brought you here so I could make it up to you, not by being with me because I could never ask that from you again after what I did, but I knew this was a good opportunity for your career and it’s just this one thing I can give to you.”

Ten’s cheeks are moist and his eyes puffy from the tears streaming down his face, but he’s staying still.

“I can’t forgive you.”

“I know.” Kunhang doesn’t deserve that anyways. “I’m not asking you to.”

“But there’s one thing you got wrong.”

He looks up in confusion.

“You’re not weak.” Ten’s eyes hold a burning fire in them. “You’re the bravest person I know, and although it took you quite some time, you’ve finally learned self-acceptance and decided to take a step further for me.”

He shakes his head, worried he’ll choke on the sob forming at the back of his throat.

“I can’t forgive you just yet, but I want to.” Ten takes a step closer. “I miss you, too.”

Kunhang can’t take it any longer and he throws his arms around the boy in front of him, wrapping him in a tight hug that leaves him breathless.

“Just promise me this one thing,” Ten whispers. “That you won’t leave again. If you do, this time I’m not coming back.”

“I won’t.” Kunhang holds him closer. “Not this time.”

Ten pushes him lightly to break the hug, but they’re still face to face.

A pause.

A silence.

An intermission.

The ruleless moment where Ten places both hands on his face, cupping his cheeks, and pulls him into a kiss.

Whether he wins or loses in his upcoming competitions, as he holds Ten’s hand where everyone can see, Kunhang thinks he’s already won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand it's done! ❤️ thank you so much to everyone who read and left me comments and kudos, it means the world to me ;3;  
> i'm very attached to this story and fond of these kids, i hope you liked them too!!! and please let me know what you think ~  
> see you ❤️❤️❤️


End file.
